


Don't Love You Like I Did Yesterday

by sleepyfaceandsnark (teamwinchesterbros)



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: AU, Abuse, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, College, College AU, Drinking Games, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gallavich, Hurt/Comfort, Implied abuse, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Reunion, reaquainting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 04:36:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3343874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teamwinchesterbros/pseuds/sleepyfaceandsnark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>3 years from when they broke everything off they find each other once again. </p><p>College is a place for making new memories... or rekindling old ones. </p><p>***Now loosely based on a prompt.***</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Familiar Strangers

**Author's Note:**

> Mickey never had to get married to Svetlana but Ian and Mickey's relationship didn't last much past 3.06. Things will be explained as they go on...maybe.

 

Made a playlist for this fic here

 

<http://8tracks.com/amandatherasem/don-t-love-you-like-i-did-yesterday>

 

 

* * *

 _Well, when you go_  
_Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay_  
_And maybe when you get back_  
_I'll be off to find another way_

* * *

 

It had been 3 years since they last saw each other. Even in passing. If Mickey thought he saw Ian across the street he'd turn the corner and find a different route to his destination. Ian on the other hand was just left completely avoiding all the places they used to hang out as if the place itself stored some deadly disease that would kill Ian upon entering. 

A lot happens in 3 years. Eventually Mickey stopped caring about going in different routes to avoid a gaze of someone that could be Ian and Ian stopped avoiding places that no longer held any meaning. 

In just 3 years they broke up, mourned it, dealt with it ...or didn't, and never made contact. They wouldn't even be aware of the other still being around if it wasn't for Kevin mentioning Ian from time to time at the Alibi or Lip complaining about Mickey always being in the house when he was trying to get with Mandy. 

In 3 years each boy went through high school, applied to colleges, and got in...it wasn't until they had been there for over a year that they realized the colleges they applied to and got accepted in happen to be the same exact one as the other. 

 

It's a late Wednesday on campus and Ian still has tons of studying to do for his class the next day. He keeps missing out on reading the chapters so he has a lot of cramming to do. He decides to head to the campus coffee shop. It's somewhat cheaper than the Starbucks across the street and it's right by the library where he'd be able to enjoy some peace and quiet from the loud parties in his apartment complex. His roommate decides to come with him as well as some other friends from class. They decide to rent a study room from the Library and they go ahead to do so when they arrive leaving Ian in the almost barren coffee shop.

He moves up to the line to get his coffee once he decides what he wants, only 4 other people in front of him. 

"Next in line?" One of the baristas ask. Ian moves up. The barista looks to the other registers and sees an available one. "He'll take you at register one." 

Ian looks over and notices the register on the far left

 

"Help you?" The man asks, his face hidden by the abnormally large register on top the high counter. 

"Just...Ice Coffee please?"

"Size?" 

"Medium." 

The man grabs a medium sized cup and sharpie, he holds the tip of the pen to the cup and asks "Milk?"

"Yeah."

"What kind?"

"Ummm..."

"Skim, 2 %, whole..." The man lists off. Ian notices his fingers, the knuckles covered with finger-less gloves. 

"There's half and half too." The man continues clearly trying to suppress his annoyance. 

"2% is fine." Ian shakes his head. The fuck is wrong with him tonight. 

"Want any flavor? Sweetner?" 

"No. No thanks." Ian pulls out his wallet from his back pocket, knowing the price will be declared soon. 

"That'll be $2.30" 

Ian fishes the bills out of his wallet and the correct change.

"Name for your order?"

"Uh Ian." He answers, looking up when he has the right amount of money in his hand. 

Even though he had his suspicions, or rather a deep feeling in his gut, he is still completely surprised when he looks up and is staring into piercing, familiar blue eyes. 

"Gallagher." The man states, no longer hiding behind a fake pleasantness. 

 _Shit._ "Mick."

Mickey takes the cup and scribbles on it and yells out the order behind him. 

"I uh..." Ian scratches the back of his head. "I didn't know you were...I didn't know you went here."

"Yeah well there's a lot of things you don't know." He hands the cup to the person making Ian's order. "$2.30."

Ian closes his surprised mouth. "Uh yeah yeah here." He hands Mickey the change, who grabs it not too gently from Ian's grasp and throws it into the register. Before Ian can say anything more Mickey walks away from the register to help with other orders. 

Ian steps away from the register still not believing after all these years he was seeing Mickey again, and in a fucking college campus coffee shop at that. 

 

A few minutes pass and someone yells out "Ice coffee for an uh...Ian?"

Ian walks over and picks up his coffee. He turns the cup in his hand and looks at the name etched on the cup. 

_Eyan_

Ian titters and rolls his eyes. _Jesus Christ._ He turns to head to the library but before he does so he looks back to the people behind the counter. He encounters a harsh glare from his raven haired ex. 

 

And just like that Mickey Milkovich was back in his life. 

 

 

 


	2. Exes and Library Books

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian tries to study a few days after bumping into Mickey but he's distracted.

_And after all this time that you still owe_   
_You're still the good-for-nothing I don't know_   
_So take your gloves and get out_   
_Better get out_   
_While you can_

* * *

 

“What’s with you, man?” Ian’s friend, Chase, asks him as they sit in the library. Well the guy was more of an acquaintance Ian had from class. They weren’t exactly to friendship territory yet. Ian wasn’t even sure Chase knew he was gay.

“Huh?” Ian turns to the man. Shaking himself out of his daydream.

“You just seem really distracted lately. Ever since that night of studying. Something happen when you went to get your coffee.”Chase jokes. 

“Nah nah I just… saw someone.”

“Ahhhh” Chase starts laughing. “That makes sense.”

Ian scoffs and turns back to his book.

“Ex I’m guessing.”

“Yupp.”

“Guessing from your freak out this is the last place you thought they’d be”

“Pretty much.”

“Was it a bad break up then?”

Ian turns back to Chase and gives him a look indicating that was a dumb question.

“Right. Hence you not talking about them.”

“This is some True Detective shit you got going on huh?” Ian retorts.

“Hey hey no need to get snarky. I’m just asking.”

“I need to study, man.” Ian says.

Chase holds his hands up. “Alright, alright. I’m here if you want to vent or whatever.”

“Thanks.” Ian replies offhandedly going back to his book. It doesn’t take long for Ian to be zoned back into whatever he was supposed to be learning.  He was actually getting studying done when he hears someone drop a book, making a loud boom through the hushed library. Ian was meant to look up for a brief moment like everyone else does but then he sees who it is.

He hears an annoyed “Fuck.” Come from the man and he lets out small smile. The familiarity of it just made him feel happy. But then he remembers where he is…where they both are and all the shit that happened between them and he drops his smile but he doesn’t take his eyes off him. Mickey Milkovich.

Chase is talking to him but Ian’s not paying attention he’s too busy following Mickey’s every movements with his eyes.

“Hey, Ian? You hearing me man?” Chase asks, hitting Ian gently on the arm.

“What?” He turns to Chase. “Yeah yeah. Look I’ll uhh be right back.” Ian says getting up, throwing his bag over his shoulder.

“What? Where’re you going?” Chase asks but Ian doesn’t hear him. He follows to where Mickey disappeared in.

His brain tells him this is a bad idea but his legs don’t listen.

Ian plays it cool to the best of his ability. Trying to keep his hands from visibly shaking he grabs a book and pretends to inspect as he looks over to the raven haired man.

He watches Mickey inspect his book, his brow furrowing in confusion. “The fuck?” Ian hears him whispering to himself.

Ian carefully moves closer still trying to keep his cover of just a student trying to find a book for class. Mickey adds the book in his hands to the small stack of books he held under his arm. It’s apparently too much and a book falls out of his grasp again. Luckily this time it was a softback so it doesn’t make a loud embarrassing noise. Ian takes a breath of bravery and leans down to pick it up.

“Thanks,” Mickey starts to say when he sees the stranger pick his book up with him. He stops himself when he sees the man’s face and recognizes it as Ian. What the fuck?

Mickey snatches the book from the redhead. “The fuck you want?” Mickey says a little too loud maybe.

“Just giving you back your book.” Ian states.

“What’re you fucking following me now?”

Ian sighs. “It’s a library Mick. At a college campus. We’re bound to bump into each other.”

“Yeah, yeah whatever.”

“What do you need all those books for anyway?” Ian asks.

“You mean you don’t read about the Theory of Evolution for fun?” Mickey jokes getting a smile from Ian. Mickey’s eyes go dark again. “Research paper.” He says bluntly before walking away.

“For what class?” Ian asks following him.

“Music appreciation obviously.” Mickey says. Ian looks at him in confusion before he realizes Mickey is being sarcastic. “What do you care anyway?” Mickey continues.

“I’m just trying to make conversation.”

“Who says _I_ want to?”

“Fuck. I forgot how much of an asshole you can be.”

“Oh I’m the asshole?” Mickey’s voice raises. “You don’t talk or try to make any sort of conversation for how many years after we broke up? Then you discover we go to the same fucking school and you act like it’s okay to start talking me like nothing fucking happened.”

“Shh” A stranger says lightly, Mickey ignores him.

“Not like you made it easy to try” Ian says.

“That’s fucking rich coming from you. Even if I wanted to talk you made it pretty clear you didn’t want anything to do with me the last time we saw each other.”

“Shhh” the stranger said louder.

“Oh you fucking shh, asshole” Mickey yells to the shh-er, who stares at him in shock. “Now if you don’t fucking mind.” Mickey says turning to Ian.  “I got shit to do.” He says to the redhead as he walks past him.

Ian bites his lip. A part of him really wants to pursue but he knows how wrong that would be especially seeing Mickey’s reaction to him, again.  Mickey wasn’t technically wrong in his accusations. He didn’t exactly make it easy for Mickey to get back into contact with him and at the time he really didn’t want him to.  Regardless Ian no longer felt like studying but he figures he should let Chase know.

“Look I’m gonna head back.” Ian says approaching the table him and Chase were studying at.

“What? But I thought we were going to study.”

“Yeah I’m just not feeling like it anymore.”

“Still about your ex?” Chase asks, grinning.

“No.” Ian says, annoyed now. “I’m just tired. I’ll see you later.”

“Alright, man. See you later.”

Ian heads back to his apartments, throwing his bag on the couch, and flipping on the tv.

“Jesus, you okay man?” His roommate comes out of the kitchen, startling Ian a little.

“Yeah yeah.” Ian decides to just get to the point to avoid 30 other questions. “Saw my ex.”

“Ahhh fuck.” Jason says sitting down on the barcalounger nearby with two beers in his hand. He gives Ian one.

“Thanks.” Ian nods to him, twisting open the drink.

Jason takes a sip of his. “So apparently there’s this party at the complex across the street. Was wondering if you wanted to go?” He asks Ian.

Ian sighs.

“It’ll take your mind off your ex I’m sure.”

Ian smiles. “Yeah.”

“Come on. There’s gonna be some hot ass there, man.” Unlike Chase, Jason knew Ian was gay. So hot ass actually meant hot ass in Ian’s mind. “Trent and Miles are going too.” Jason adds.

Ian laughs. “Yeah yeah alright. I’ll go.”

“Sweet. Awesome. It starts at 8:30 but we should probably head over at 9.” Jason laughs. Parties were usually typically boring when they first started so Jason liked to wait until everyone who was worth going for was going to be there.

The night eventually comes and they arrive at the party a little after 9. Ian hangs out with Trent and Jason mostly. He’s laughing at some ridiculous story Jason is telling when he turns his head to observe the atmosphere of the party and sees him again.

Ian’s face twists in confusion. Was that Mickey fucking Milkovich at a college party? _Shit_ Ian thinks. _There really is no escaping now_. Some higher power was pushing them together and Ian wasn’t just going to ignore it now.

* * *

 


	3. Old Friend, Why Are You So Shy?

_When you go would you even turn to say  
"I don't love you like I did yesterday"?_

* * *

 

 

“I’ll be right back,” Ian says to his friends as he moves to approach Mickey sitting alone on the couch.

“Hey…” Ian says hesitantly.

Mickey looks up to see who his greeter is. “Hey yourself.” Mickey sits back on the couch and fiddles with his pockets. He pulls out his cigarette pack from his pocket. “I need a smoke.” He declares as he gets up from his seat.

Ian isn’t sure whether to follow or not. Mickey didn’t have to tell him what he was doing he could’ve just gone up and left, and he knew Ian smoked…so. Ian sighs and takes another chance, following the other man out the door.

Mickey rolls his eyes at Ian’s presence but doesn’t make a move to leave again. Okay so maybe Ian didn’t read that situation correctly but he’s in it now.

“Want one?” Mickey offers not exactly pleasantly but not as harsh as he could have.

Ian almost denies Mickey’s offer but then knows how much a smoke would relax him right now.

“Uh sure.”

Mickey pulls a cigarette half way and offers it to Ian, pack still in his hand. Ian pulls it out and sticks it between his lips. Mickey reaches into his pocket, pulling out his lighter, and tosses it to Ian. Ian lights it and gives a nod of thanks as he hands the lighter back to Mickey.

“Didn’t expect to find you here,” Ian says.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Guess I just never took you as much of a social person.”

Mickey raises his eyebrow at Ian, grinning. He turns away. “Yeah well I never took you as much of a stalker person.”

Ian bites his cheek to keep from laughing and Mickey grins more as he looks back at the redhead. He takes a puff from his cigarette and blows the smoke out over the railing of the porch.

“You’re not the only one allowed friends, you know?” Mickey says, serious.

 “Yeah I know…”

Mickey turns to him and opens his mouth to say something but then a loud exclamation of Ian’s name interrupts them.

Ian turns to see who it is noticing it’s Chase.

“Fuck,” Ian says as Chase gets closer to him still yelling his name.

“Hey, man.” Chase says when he’s finally next to Ian. “Glad you decided to come out.”

“Yeah, yeah. Figured why not.”

“Took some convincing from Jason, huh?”

“Yeah a bit.”

Chase laughs. He then begins on small talk which Ian wasn’t in the mood to have. He nods to Chase talking about classes, not noticing Mickey throwing away his cigarette and moving back inside.

Chase eventually stops his small talk maybe getting an unintentional hint from Ian. "Well look I'll see you inside. We can talk more about that paper later?"

"Sure." Ian smiles politely as he watches Chase disappear inside.

Ian back to his previous company a "sorry" almost coming out of his mouth before he realizes Mickey is gone.

"Shit," Ian mutters. He looks around quickly and decides to go back inside. He looks over to where his friends were earlier and sees Mickey talking to Jason.

"Hey, Ian!" Jason calls out.

Ian gives a small smile as he heads over.

"Hey. You meet Mickey?" Jason introduces them and Ian has to laugh.

"Yeah we know each other." Ian says.

Mickey stares at Ian, mouth tight. Ian looks back at his roommate who saints his eyes looking between them. Mickey takes a swig of his beer as Ian waits for Jason to catch on.

"Wait a minute. You mean you guys..." Jason laughs. "Shit." He laughs again. “Who broke up with who?”

“It was kind of a mutual thing.” Ian says.

Mickey raises his eyebrows and takes a step back. “Oh that what you calling it now?”

“What?” Ian looks at Mickey.

Jason clears his throat awkwardly. " I'll uh leave you two alone to catch up." He gives Ian an assuring pat on the shoulder before he walks away.

Ian sighs. "Fucking roommates." He mumbles to himself looking down at the ground.

“Fuck was that?” Mickey asks.

“Nothing.” He looks back up at Mickey. “Look I’m sorry about outside with that guy I..“

“Whatever.” Mickey takes his gaze away from the redhead.

Ian breathes in “So…how’ve you b-“

“Don’t ask me how I’ve been.”

Ian sighs, exasperated. “Jesus, Mickey. I’m at least fucking trying here.”

Mickey moves closer to Ian “Well what did you expect?”

Ian shrugs. “I don’t know. Friendship maybe?”

Mickey laughs bitterly, taking another sip of his beer. “Were we ever friends?"

“I like to think so.”

“Whatever helps you sleep.”

Ian runs his hand through his hair frustrated. “Is it really going to be like this?”

“Why do you fucking care if I-“ Mickey looks at Ian’s face halfway between pleading and slightly exhausted. Mickey shakes his head. He sighs and takes a moment.

“I uh…” He wipes his mouth. “I got a boyfriend.” He says kind of bashfully. It’s an answer to Ian’s ‘how’ve you been?’

“You do?” Ian says surprised, almost smiling. Almost.

Mickey rolls his eyes. “Yeah asshole.”

“Wow.” Ian laughs. “He…nice?”

Mickey shrugs. “He’s not a dick but he’s not fucking Doris Day.”

Ian laughs and stares back at his feet. He looks up at Mickey seriously. “He good to you?”

“He’s okay.”

“Just okay?”

“He’s fine. What’re you my mother?”

“I’m just making sure.”

Mickey laughs and swirls the small amount of beer left in his bottle. He then puts the bottle to his lips and takes the last sip. “Well thanks, mom.”

“Where’s he now?” Ian asks.

“Fuck if I know.” He shakes his empty bottle. “Time for another.”

Ian nods as Mickey disappears into the kitchen.

Trent comes back over to Ian. “Ha that Milkovich is quite the character, huh?”

Ian smiles at Trent awkwardly.

“I was watching you with him earlier…”

“Oh yeah you watching me?” Ian grins slyly.

Trent laughs. “Well you know, hard not to.”

“Haha.”

“What’d you do to piss him off so much? He looked like he was ready to fight you or some shit.”

Ian smiles dissipates. “More like what didn’t I do.”

Trent is about to ask more questions, confused at Ian’s answer, but then the door busts open.

“Hey, assholes!” The man yells loudly. “You all having a party without me?”

“Jackson!” Everyone yells. Ian rolls his eyes in secret.

The man then goes around to everyone, or mostly everyone, and hugs or shakes their hand.

“Okay where’s my boyfriend?!” Jackson then yells when he’s gotten to around a quarter of the people.

“He drunk already?” Ian asks Trent.

“Nah,” Trent laughs. “That’s just how he is.”

Jackson makes his way over to Ian and Trent. “Hey! Trent, buddy! How are you?” He gives him a half shake half hug. “You seen my babe?”

Trent laughs. "He’s in the kitchen I think."

Jackson looks behind him. “Excellent.” He looks at Ian and goes wide eyed. “Who’s this?” He smiles.

“This is Ian.” Trent introduces them. Ian shakes Jackson’s hand as Jackson continues to stare at him.

“Well damn. Nice to meet you, Ian.” He looks between Trent and Ian. “You two together?”

“Oh no, no.” Trent laughs uncomfortable.

Jackson bites his lips to keep from laughing as the looks at them. “Hmmm. I’ll be right back. Gotta let my boy know I’m here. He’s already pissed at me when I said I’d be late.”

“Well I’m sure he didn’t hear you shouting.” Trent says sarcastic earning a stick out tongue from Jackson.

“Nice to meet you, Ian.” Jackson says looking Ian up and down again.

“You too.” Ian answers as Jackson turns to the kitchen.

“Ah there he is. Be right back” He says as he sprints over to the kitchen.              

Ian sees Mickey come out the other side of the kitchen with a beer now in his hand. Ian almost smiles at him when he sees Jackson following behind Mickey closely. He watches as Jackson turns Mickey around and tries to kiss him. Mickey moves his head out of the way and walks away from Jackson and past Ian and Trent. Jackson follows and pulls his arm as they stop away from Ian and Trent but close enough that Ian can hear them.

“Babe I told you I’m sorry.” Jackson says.

“Don’t fucking call me that.” Mickey answers harshly.

“What’s wrong?” Jackson tilts his head.

Mickey bites his lip and shakes his head. “It’s…nothing. Nothing.”

“I told you I’d come earlier if I could.”

Mickey scratches his temple with his thumb. “Yeah. I know. I’m just…tired I guess.”

Jackson puts his hand on Mickey shoulder. “Come here. I want you to meet someone. I just met him.” Jackson says excitedly.

Mickey laughs. “Oh so you just met him and you’re already introducing him to people?”

“Mhmm” Jackson nods, grinning.

Mickey sighs. “Alright.”

Jackson grabs Mickey’s arm and pulls him over to Ian and Trent.

“Mickey this is Trent, I’ve introduced you before, and _this_ is Ian!”

Ian smiles at the introduction in a way that if it wasn’t for Mickey knowing him for years he would’ve read it as genuinely polite, but Mickey knew better. Mickey wipes at his eyes tiredly. “Yeah, yeah I know.” Mickey says.

“You do?” Jackson turns to him.

“Yeah Jason introduced them a little before you got here,” Trent says.

“Oh.”

“Actually we used to-“ Ian starts to say.

“Live in the same neighborhood.” Mickey interrupts.

“Oh really?” Mickey comment taking Jackson’s full interest now. Mickey looks over to Ian and he can see his visibly annoyed.

Jackson is about to begin on more questions when Mickey looks at him and thinks of an excuse to temporarily leave the conversation.

“Hey why don’t I get you something to drink?” Mickey asks Jackson.

“Aw babe I’ll get it.”

Mickey swallows any argument he was about to have about the pet name. “No, no. I’ll get it. What do you want?”

“Any beer is fine.” Jackson smiles at him.

Mickey nods to him before heading back to the kitchen.

“You know,” Ian says, overly expressing that he has nothing in his hands. “I haven’t had a drink yet.”

“Oh damn, Gallagher.” Trent says. “Get some alcohol in you.”

“Will do.” Ian says as he leaves to follow Mickey. He finds Mickey in the kitchen fishing for a beer in the fridge.

“That really your boyfriend?” Ian asks, approaching Mickey.

“Yup.” Mickey finds a beer and goes to look for an opener.

“Really?” Ian asks.

Mickey pops open the beer. “Yeah. Why you got a fucking problem?”

“No. No problem. He just seems a little…”

“A little what?” Mickey looks at Ian.

“Nothing just a little-“

“Well he’s not gonna fuck off when shit gets rough like my last one.” Mickey says angrily.

“Mickey…?”

“Forget it.” Mickey storms off. Ian grabs a drink and joins back with the group a few minutes later. Mickey’s remark hurts but it also makes him pissed and now that he was drinking…Ian angry and Ian drunk, or even somewhat intoxicated, didn’t really mix well. Didn’t really help that he took a few shots before he grabbed an official drink either.

When he comes into the conversation they’re talking about some random topic, Jackson's arm now draping on Mickey’s shoulder. When they notice Ian is back Jackson decides to bring the subject back to him and Mickey knowing each other.

“So same neighborhood huh?” Jackson started. “Did you two hang out at all?”

“Yeah we hung out sometimes.” Mickey answers avoiding Ian’s look.

Ian breathes in harshly. “Yeah we hung out.” Ian says. “Used to fucking date to.” He almost yells.

Mickey’s eyes dart up to Ian, dark in intensity. Ian meets Mickey’s gaze.

“What?” Jackson almost laughs. “No way.” Trent seems to be at a loss for words.

“Yup. We were boyfriends. Isn’t that right, Mick?”

If Mickey’s eyes could get wider with anger they’d pop out of his head.

“Well shit,” Jackson says looking between Mickey and Ian. “I’ll have to ask you for some advice on this one.” Jackson jokes patting Mickey’s chest lightly. Mickey grabs the arm that was draped around him and pulls it off of him. “I…hey. Mickey!”

Mickey walks away from the group. He comes back jacket in his hand.

“We’re leaving.” He says bluntly.

“What?” Jackson whines. “But I just got here.”

“Fine.” Mickey says. He looks from his boyfriend. “You stay but I’m leaving.” Mickey sneers at Ian before taking off to the front door.

Jackson sighs. “Fuck. I should probably go. He’s already mad about me making him wait for me here don’t want to piss him off further.”

“Yeah.” Trent says.

“I’m sorry.” Jackson says to Trent. “Sorry Ian. It was nice meeting you.”

Ian’s anger disappears and he’s left with guilt. He gives Jackson a small smile that shows his remorse at what he’s said. “You too.” He manages to let out as Jackson heads out the door too.

“Well shit that was…” Trent laughs.

“Yeah..” Ian looks to Trent. “Can you tell Jason I headed home?”

“What? Aw Ian you don’t have to go.”

“I know I just don’t feel like. I’m sorry. Shit. Look I’ll see you later okay?”

“Alright.” Trent ops for a fist bump goodbye and Ian gives him a half hearted one back.

He heads back to his apartment thinking he just fucked everything up with Mickey.

 

Later that night when Mickey and Jackson get back to Mickey’s apartment. After Mickey has calmed down a bit Jackson decides to ask him.

“So you and the redhead used to date?” He sits down next to Mickey handing him another beer.

“Yup.” Mickey answers pulling at the label. He throws his head back. “God you’re not gonna hate him now are you?”

Jackson laughs. “Noo. Why?...Who broke up with who?”

“It matter?” Mickey turns to him.

“No. But I wanna know.”

Mickey looks around. “Him. I guess.”

“Ah. So did you love him?” Jackson asks.

Mickey scoffs. “What? No.”

Jackson sees past his bullshit. “Mhmmm. So do you still love him?”

Mickey looks down. “No. No I don’t.” He looks back at Jackson.

Jackson shrugs. “Then what do I have to worry about?”

“Nothing.” Mickey answers. “Nothing at all.” He smiles at his boyfriend, reassuring, expertly masking what he maybe was actually feeling.


	4. What're Friends For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian tries to apologize.

_"Nothing compares, no worries or cares_  
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made  
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste? "

* * *

 

Ian wakes up the next morning feeling guilty about the events from the night before. After practically begging Jason and Trent for the address Ian decides to stop by Mickey’s apartment so apologize in person

 

He waits by the door, staring at the numbers on the wooden panel covered in fake gold. He waits thinking about going back a few times. He sighs deeply as he places his fist up to knock on the doo lightly. No one comes to it so he tries again slightly harder.

The door is then thrusted open and Ian is left staring at the ocean blue eyes in front of him.

 “What do you want?” The man asks bluntly, brows lowered in displeasure.

Ian looks around awkwardly. “Wanted to apologize...” He looks back at Mickey. “Can I come in?’

Mickey rolls his eyes but steps aside anyway.

Ian enters and takes in the interior of the apartment. He turns to Mickey.

“Look I’m sorry for the way I acted at the party.”

Mickey walks ahead of him to the kitchen. Ian follows and stops at the bar, he leans over it as he continues, trying to keep eye contact with Mickey to seem as genuine as possible.

“I shouldn’t have outed our past relationship like that. Especially not in front of your boyfriend. I was just…” Ian looks down anyway. “I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. I’m sorry.” A few milliseconds of Ian staring down at the bar go bye before he lifts his head up again.

Mickey nods.

“Your boyfriend pissed?” Ian scrunches his face, looking even more guilt ridden.

“Nah. He’s strangely cool with it. Said long as I’m not still in love with you or some shit.”

“Still?”

“What?”

“You said…”

“Long as I’m not in love with you” Mickey clarifies. “Which I’m not.”

“Oh. Okay.” Ian nods, his eyes meet the counter again. “Look I know I handled things wrong. Well everything wrong really but I just.” He sighs. “I want to be friends. I understand if you don’t want to though. Hell if I was you I wouldn’t but…I dunno. I’d like that.” He looks up at Mickey, biting his lip to from nervousness.

Mickey doesn’t say anything.

“This was stupid.” Ian says as he starts to walk to the door. “I’m sorry about last night though. I should get go-“

 “Game’s about to start.” Mickey calls out, interrupting Ian’s blabbering.  “You can stay and watch if you want.”

Ian turns around, almost out the door.

“You sure?”

Mickey titters a bit. “Yeah.”

Ian smiles.“I’d like that.”

Mickey nods, turning to the fridge. “Beer?”

“Sure.” Ian walks back to where he was and Mickey hands him his drink.

Ian takes a seat on the sofa and Mickey opts for the torn armchair.

They sit watching the game, making mindless chatter. It’s almost like before, minus the sex and occasional intimacy of course. Ian keeps catching himself give Mickey glances and he swears it’s like no time has passed between them, no fight, no breakup.

Ian then realizes that time did pass and shit did happen and it makes him unbelievably sad. But then he watches Mickey laugh at some dumb ass joke Ian said and Ian thinks maybe it’s okay like this, friends.

A little after half time Jackson comes through the door.  He sees Mickey right away, walks over to him  and kisses him hello. He looks over and notices Ian.

He grins at them. “Hey what’s what’s going on here?”

“Oh,” Mickey looks at Ian. “Ian came over to apologize about last night and shit.”

Jackson chortles. “Oh you didn’t have to do that.”

Ian shrugs.

“Then the game was on so I asked if he wanted to watch.”  

Jackson looks at the tv. “Oh nice. Who’s winning?”

“Bears.”

“Awesome.” Jackson stands up more from leaning over Mickey. He walks over to one of the rooms. “Babe I’m gonna study in your room for a bit before work.”

“I told you to stop calling me that.” Mickey grumbles.

Jakson laughs. “Alright jeeze.” He looks over at Ian. “Was he this grumpy when you two dated?”

Ian laughs.

 “Don’t you answer that.” Mickey playfully yells at Ian.

Jackson moves to back over to Mickey to tousle Mickey’s hair as Mickey tries to move out of the way.

“Nice to see you again, Ian.” Jackson says, succeeding in messing up Mickey’s hair.

“You too.” Ian calls out getting a smile from Jackson as he closes the door to what Ian assumes is Mickey’s room.

“You guys live together?” Ian asks, trying to hide maybe a hint of jealousy.

“Nah. Not really. He just stays over a lot.”

Ian nods understanding. Both boys attention soon go back to the game and they’re screaming at their team to win.

The game ends with the Bears winning and Ian gets up to throw away his latest empty beer bottle.

“I should probably get going.” Ian says.

“Oh yeah sure.” Mickey gets up from his spot and walks Ian to the door.

“Hey you uh got professor Mounts for that American History class you’re taking?”  Mickey asks.

“Ha yeah. How’d you know?”

“Oh Jason was telling me.” Ian looks at him curious. “I had him last semester.”

“Ohh.”

“Ha yeah. So if I mean. If you want any pointers on passing let me know.”

Ian smiles. “Uh yeah, yeah. I’ll definitely let you know.” Ian laughs. “First test is actually Tuesday and I fucking doubt I’m ready.”

Mickey chuckles. “Shit.” He scratches the back of his head. “I’m available tomorrow if you want to meet up. I can tell you what to for sure study for or whatever.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

“I have work in the morning but I’m available after 2. I could meet you at the library after unless you prefer somewhere else.”

Ian laughs awkwardly. “I’m actually kinda trying to avoid someone so library might now work. Can I just stop by here later? Or you could stop at my place?”

Mickey looks back to his bedroom door. “Here’s fine.”

Ian nods. “Around 3?”

“Sounds good.”

“Alright cool.” Ian puts his hand on the doorknob. He turns back to Mickey. “Thanks.”

“No problem. What’re friends for, huh?”

Ian grins and gestures his head in acknowledgement of what Mickey said. _Friends._

“See you later, Gallagher.” Mickey says holding on to the door. Ian waves a goodbye and takes off as Mickey closes the door.


	5. Home Sweet, Fucking Home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey and Ian's friendship gets closer.

_You know how the time flies_   
_Only yesterday was the time of our lives_   
_We were born and raised in a summer haze_   
_Bound by the surprise of our glory days_

* * *

 

 

 It’s a late November day Ian and Mickey are on the couch watching tv, taking a break on talking about finals that will happen after Thanksgiving.

“God this show is bullshit.” Ian says.

“Shuttup, man. It’s a good show,” Mickey defends. Ian turns to look at Mickey to see if he’s joking and sees that he’s fully into what he’s watching even sitting on the edge of his seat to get closer to the screen.

Ian laughs. “Dude you just like it cause that blonde dude gets naked all the time.”

“I do not!” Mickey turns to Ian in mock offense.

Ian just grins at him knowingly.

“Shutup.”

“You loveee him.”

Mickey shakes his head trying to not laugh and goes to smack Ian on the back of the head. Ian grabs his hand and pulls it behind him, twisting their bodies so Ian’s on top of him. Ian laughs getting the upper hand but not for long as releases himself from Ian’s grip on him and tackles Ian to the ground now on top of him.

“I do not.”

“Yes you do!” Ian struggles to get out of Mickey’s hold.

Mickey grabs him again and puts him in a head lock. “Take it back.”

“Okay okay you don’t. You don’t.”

Mickey lets go.

“You like the dark haired one.”  Ian says getting away from Mickey.

“What?” Mickey grabs Ian again and pins him to the ground. Ian struggles to get out but can’t as Mickey’s knees are high on his chest and his arms are pinned down.

They both laugh at their banter but their laughter slowly subsides as memories of how they first got together comes across. Mickey’s face softens as he looks as Ian but then hardens as soon as he does so.

They both hear the door open and they look towards the cause of it. Jackson enters the room all smiles as usual.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” He says lightly.

Mickey quickly gets off Ian and dusts himself off. “Ah Ian here was being a Jackass.”

Jackson laughs. “Usually other way around, huh?” Jackson says looking at Ian who is trying to get up from the ground.

Ian laughs uncomfortably. “Yeah.”

He finds his footing and looks between Jackson and Mickey. He quickly grabs the books he brought but they actually didn’t bother opening. “I should probably get going. Really need to finish packing.” Ian says. He turns to Mickey. “I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon?”

“Yeah I should get started on that.” Mickey laughs.

“Hmm and I thought you were such a great planner.” Ian says walking towards the door. “See you guys later.” He says as he exits the apartment.

Jackson smiles in Ian’s direction and turns to Mickey. “Pack for what?” He asks his boyfriend.

“It’s Thanksgiving break.” Mickey states.

“Yeah I know, but I thought you weren’t going home for that.”

“I never said that,” Mickey says casually making his way to the kitchen.

“You implied.”

Mickey grabs a beer out of the fridge and gulps some down. He wipes his mouth. “Well maybe you read me wrong.”

“Maybe.” Jackson waits a minute before asking more. “So you’re going with him?”

“Our destination is the same place. Figured it’d be easier.”

“Mhmm.” Jackson walks away back to the living room.

“What?” Mickey asks following.

“Nothing. It’s just. First you don’t want to be anywhere near your home for the holiday and now you’re itching to go. And him.” Jackson points to the door even though Ian was long away from it. “You were pissed at him for how long? And now you’re just buddy buddy with him.”

“We lived in the same neighborhood, had the same fucking little league team, and he’s best friends with my fucking sister.”

“Yeah and you also used to date.”

Mickey sighs. “You act like we didn’t’ know each other before we started fucking. You don’t know what it’s like living in a neighborhood like that, alright? You know people in a different way.”

Jackson nods.

“And what the fuck? You said you weren’t going to hate him.”

“I’m not. I don’t. I just…” He walks over to Mickey and puts his hands on his face. “I’m just worried about you is all.”

Mickey smiles at him. “You don’t need to worry.”

Jackson leans in to kiss Mickey, closing his eyes.  Mickey’s stay open and he forgets for a minute about kissing back. He thinks about how close he was with Ian only a few minutes prior and he hates himself for thinking about the redhead in this moment but he can’t stop himself.

Jackson pulls away and smiles at Mickey. He grabs Mickey’s arm to still be in contact with him after their mouths were apart. Jackson loved contact, a lot, and sometimes it made Mickey uneasy but he swallows his uneasiness now and lets his boyfriend have this.

“Hey,” Jackson says causing Mickey to look back up at him after staring at their hands. “Why don’t I come with you?”

Mickey laughs. “You mean as a friend of course.”

“Why not as a boyfriend?” Jackson leans down and kisses Mickey on the cheek. Mickey lets go of their hands and pulls away from Jackson.

“You know I’m not out to my family yet. And you know people would fucking kill you in the southside if they knew.”

Jackson holds his hands up “Alright sorry.”

Mickey walks away to the side table by the couch and grabs his pack of cigarettes. “Don’t you got your own family shit to do anyways?” He asks. He reaches into his pack. He takes one cigarette out and puts it behind his ear and takes another out and puts it between his lips.

“Yeah guess so.” Jackson says.

Mickey nods and heads to the sliding door that leads him to the miniscule porch outside.

“You still smoking?” Jackson asks as Mickey leaves earning him a middle finger in his direction.

Jackson gives a light somewhat annoyed laugh as he hears the door slide closed and he sits down on the couch flipping on the tv.

 

The next evening Mickey finishes packing just as soon as he hears a knock at the door telling him Ian was ready. He hears Jackson’s friendly greeting before he’s able to come out of his room to answer the door. He figures he might as well check to see if he has everything and shit. He looks around his room quickly and the bathroom hearing pieces of Jackson’s overly friendly and polite attempt at a conversation.

“So despite you being here all the time I don’t really know much about you, Ian.” Jackson says a little too flirty for Mickey’s liking.

“Uh well….”

“Do you work? Or did you get a fancy scholarship? I bet you’re really smart.” Jackson says leaning on the counter to look at Ian.

“Um no,” Ian laughs. “Not really. I mean I’m alright. My brother’s the real smart one. I have a job off campus to help out.”

“Oh I see. Who’s this brother of yours? Does he go here?” Jackson asks as Mickey enters with his bag.

Ian shakes his head and plays with the zipper on his jacket.

“Nah. Asshole goes to one of those ivory schools,” Mickey remarks.

Ian laughs. “Asshole who you’re gonna spend all weekend with.”

“Fuck that.” Mickey says.

Jackson smiles at the two of them bickering and focuses his attention back on Ian.

He looks Ian up and down admiring his body, taking all of him in. “Mmm you must work out huh?” Jackson asks. Ian looks between Jackson and Mickey embarrassed. Mickey just shakes his head and grabs a plastic bag making his way to the fridge.

“Umm yeah a little. Used to be in ROTC.”

“Ohhh,” Jackson says wide eyed. “Army brat huh?” He jokes.

Ian doesn’t laugh. Mickey turns to them after fishing stuff out of the fridge.

“Used to? You’re not still in it?”

Ian shakes his head. He tries to brush it off like it wasn’t the biggest disappointment of his life. “Nah. Wasn’t right I guess.”

Mickey wants to say more but he knows it’s not the time or the place to do so.

“You don’t want to be one of those asses anyways.” Jackson says.

“Yeah. I guess.” Ian breaks contact and looks behind him at Mickey. He laughs and furrows his brow. “What’re you doing?”

“Just some shit for the road.”

“You do realize it’s only like 4 hours?”

“Only? You think you can keep me in a car for 4 hours and not complain without at least a little something?”

“I don’t think I can keep you in a car for half an hour without hearing you complain.”

“Well then it’s best to keep my complaints at a minimum then huh?” Mickey says lifting the bag. “You don’t want any, more for me.”

“Beer?” Ian asks peering into the bag.

“Yeah. So?”

“So I’m gonna be driving why the fuck you brining me beer?”

“That’s why I got you soda numbnuts.” Mickey pulls out the bottle.

“Ah.”

“Yeah. Ahhh.” Mickey grins and puts the bag on the counter, tying it up. He grabs his plastic bag and then his bag of clothes off the ground “Ready to go?” He nods to Ian.

“Yes.” He moves away from leaning on the counter. He gives a small smile and nod to Jackson as he walks to the door.

“See you when you get back,” Jackson says.

“Yup,” Mickey answers swinging his bag over his shoulder. “Sunday.”

“Sunday? Shit.” Jackson scratches his mouth. “Alright.” He kisses Mickey goodbye. “See you Sunday.”

Mickey smiles at him. He pulls him in to kiss him again. He walks to the door Jackson behind him.

“Oh and make sure you lock up before you leave. Don’t want to come home to my shit stolen.”

Jackson laughs. “Of course.”

Mickey nudges his head to Ian to open the door. Ian leaves Mickey right behind him.

 

Mickey isn’t sure Ian saying the drive would be 4 hours meant it was supposed to be 4 hours like according to google maps or some shit or that it was _shortened_ to 4 hours on Ian’s idea of what responsible driving is. It takes Mickey at least the first hour to get used to it and loosen his grip on his seat belt. He relaxes despite it around the 2nd hour.

They talk about dumb shit like they seemed to be doing lately. They always steer away from seriousness in their conversations for fear on both that it would bring out some of the past they really don’t want to.  Despite all this the army stuff Ian mentioned was eating away at Mickey. That was his dream, Mickey thought. Why would he leave that?

Its pitch black outside by the time the arrive at Mickey’s house. Mickey looks at the run down building he hasn’t seen in what seems like forever.

“Welp,” He sighs. “Home fucking sweet home.”

Ian laughs.

“Hey, Mick?” Ian asks. “Why didn’t you bring Jackson?”

“Huh? Oh well he wanted to be out and shit. Told him I wasn’t out to my family. Plus my dad would kill me.”

“Right. But I mean. When I called Mandy to invite her over for Thanksgiving she said your dad was in jail and would be for a while.”

“Oh…right. Forgot.” Mickey turns away from Ian.

“Mickey…”

“I just didn’t want him to come alright?”

“Why?”

“Cause I didn’t want him to see where I fucking lived.”

“Why not? He knows you’re southside.”

“No shit. I think my fucking knuckle tattoos gave that away.” Mickey says as he holds up his hands.

“So then why?”

“Cause there’s knowing and then there’s actually seeing. And he doesn’t need to see that shit.” Mickey sighs and Ian taps his steering wheel.

“You think he’d judge?”

“No!.. No…I don’t know.” Mickey bites his lip and looks back up at Ian unsure. “Look I didn’t know about my dad. Honestly. Not that I would’ve thought to bring him if I did know.”

“Okay.” Ian says. “Sorry I brought it up.”

Mickey shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. “ He goes to open the car door. “What time tomorrow?”

Ian smiles. “Depends.”

Mickey eyes him curiously. “Depends on what?”

“If you want to help cook or not.”

Mickey laughs loudly. “OH you know me. Fucking Emeril Lagasse over here.”

Ian laughs with him. “I remember you heating up some…partially warm pizza rolls.”

“Oh thanks. My specialty of course.”

Ian chuckles then clears his throat trying to stop. “Nah umm I know Fiona wants to start dinner at 1 so …any time before that?”

Mickey nods.

“Long as it’s not before 10. Want some sleep.”

Mickey laughs as he opens the car door. “Yeah you need your beauty sleep. You’re looking a little tired there.”

“Fuck you.” Ian says chuckling again, throwing a piece of paper at Mickey as Mickey gets out of the car. He grabs his stuff from the back and Ian watches him as he goes inside his house closing the door behind him after a wave to Ian.

 


	6. Thanksgiving and Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey joins Ian in Thanksgiving with his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite the intro lyrics this is a pretty happy chapter.  
> Mostly.

_What have I become_  
_My sweetest friend_  
_Everyone I know goes away_  
_In the end_  
_And you could have it all_  
_My empire of dirt_  
_I will let you down_  
_I will make you hurt_

* * *

 

The next day Mickey tries his best to resist the temptation of going over to Ian’s earlier. Kept telling himself it’d be better to play it cool and just go with Mandy. But shit the wait for it to turn 12:30 was killing him. He tries to think of a way to get Mandy to go earlier but not seem like _he_ wanted to go earlier. He finally gives up around 10:30.

“Hey why don’t we head there earlier?” He asks Mandy nonchalantly.

“What? Why?” Mandy takes her eyes away from the parade on tv.

“Dunno. Help set up or some shit.”

Mandy laughs. “And why would you offer to set up.”

Mickey get irritated. “I didn’t offer shit. I thought since they were fucking feeding us we might as well.”

Mandy rolls her eyes and gets up off the couch. “Let me shower.” She puts a knowing grin on her face a little too aware of why Mickey wanted to go earlier which annoys the shit out Mickey.

He waits for Mandy to finish showering and goes in when she’s done while she finishes getting ready in her room.

When he’s done he leaves the bathroom spraying body spray all over himself. He pulls on his nicer jeans and looks through his shirts. He must’ve tried on 3 different shirts by the time he hears banging on his door.

“Whaatt?” He yells.

“You done yet.” Mandy yells through the crack.

Mickey sighs and looks at himself in the mirror wearing the last shirt he put on. It’s a black and white flannel he’s had for forever, one of the few pieces of clothing he left behind in the house. His hands trace along the collar and a memory of one time, what seemed like forever ago, Ian pulling onto it to push Mickey onto his lips. Ian tearing away at the buttons to get closer to Mickey’s body. Ian. Ian. Ian.

Mickey shakes his head trying to get the memories away. He smooths his hands down his collar and down his shirt. “It’s just a fucking shirt,” He says. “It’s just a fucking shirt.”

He clears his throat and walks over to the door, taking his shoes with him as he exits.

“Jesus. Took you long enough.” Mandy says slipping on her coat and wrapping a scarf around her neck.

“Fuck off.” Mickey laces up his shoes and walks over to where his coat is hanging on the chair in the kitchen. He puts it on as he walks to Mandy and out the front door.

“So how’s your boyfriend?” Mandy asks as they walk down the steps.

“He’s alright.”

“What’s his name again?”

Mickey looks at her. _Seriously?_ “Jackson.”

“Oh right.”

“So much for paying attention to what’s going on in my life huh?”

“Your life isn’t exactly the most entertaining thing I have to hear about,” she jokes.

“Ha ha.”

“It’s not like you talk about him that much anyway.”

Mickey looks down. “Yeah…guess not.”

Mandy stares at her brother briefly. She waits for a while and sighs. “So…I was surprised when Ian called. Said you two were hanging out again.”

“Yup. Guess he never did learn when to shut the fuck up.”

Mandy laughs. “That’s good though,” she says. “You spend a lot of time together?”

“We hang out.” Mickey says.

 Mandy tries, for her brother’s sake, not to notice how he is staring at the ground. Almost as if he was ashamed of something or maybe still hurting. She knows, though, Mickey wasn’t going to tell her much more on the matter.

“Well…” Mandy continues. “I’m glad you finally decided to grace us with your presence.” She laughs. “Didn’t think we’d see you till the new year or something.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Mandy playfully shoves her brother and he laughs.

 “You still fucking Lip?” He switches the subject.

Mandy shrugs. “Off and on.”

Mickey chuckles. “You don’t seem as thrilled about it as I remember.”

“It’s getting old,” She admits.

“Oh yeah? You want to move on to _bigger_ and _better_ things?” Mickey grins at his snide remark.

“Shut up,” She giggles and shoves Mickey again but harder. He stumbles into the street. Mandy cracks up at seeing her brother lose his balance. She takes off running to the Gallagher house in eyeshot before Mickey can get back up.

Mickey grumbles as he makes his way to the house. The door is opened for him before he can make his way up the stairs.

“Hey!” Ian greets him.

“Hey yourself.”

“So you came early?”

“Looks like it. Mandy thought we should help set up or whatever.”

Ian laughs and opens the door wider for Mickey. Mickey steps inside and looks around. It’s weird for him being inside the Gallagher house after avoiding it for so long. It still looks exactly the same it did the last time he saw it.

“Nice shirt,” Ian comments.

Mickey starts to panic like Ian knew something. Knew the memories that swarmed in Mickey’s mind when he put the shirt on this morning but he turns to see Ian walking back into the kitchen after rubbing his little brother’s head. Mandy is sitting on the sofa somewhat close to Lip, eyes glued to the parade that’s still going on. Mickey hits her head playfully getting a piece of his revenge.

“Heyy,” she says grabbing her hair. “Asshole.”

Ian comes back into the room grinning. “Hey,” He says to Mickey. “I wanna show you something.”

“Okay…” Mickey waits.

“Upstairs.”

“Oh.”

Ian nudges Mickey’s arm as he walks to the stairs. Mickey follows. They walk to Ian’s room and go inside. Ian’s smiling giddy like he’s going to get something or has something to give and as much as it excites Mickey he knows the guilty feeling stronger.

Mickey clears his throat then. “Ian uhm. I don’t know… I don’t think we should.”

Ian looks at him, smiling dropping. “What are you talking about?”

“It’s kinda wrong.”

Ian chuckles. “Since when are you against smoking pot?”

“What?”

Ian opens the drawer to his dresser and pulls out already rolled blunts. “Stole em from Lip. Supposed to be good shit.”

“Oh. Right.”

Ian hands him one of the joints. “Wanna light one up now?”

Mickey finally gets back in his right mind. “Fuck yeah.”

Ian grins and puts it between his lips. He lights the joint. He inhales and blows out slowly, laughing as he does so. “Shittt.” He passes it to Mickey who takes a hit.

He coughs. “Goddamn.” He passes it back to Ian. “You gotta get your brother to bring that shit down to campus. Fuck me.”

Ian nods his head as he takes his hit. They pass the joint back and forth till there’s only a stub left that neither of them could hold onto. By the time they make it downstairs the parade is over and Miracle on 34th Street is playing. Ian sits on the chair and Mickey on the floor near him, stretching out his legs, and fuck him he can’t stop laughing at the fucking dude that thinks he’s Santa Claus. Ian has to smack him a few times to get him to ease up on the laughter. Soon after food was being taken out of the oven and off the stove and put on the table.

Smoking before Dinner was an excellent decision as when Mickey gets the munchies he really gets the munchies and what better time than fucking Thanksgiving dinner to eat a lot.

It’s a loud dinner but a pleasant one. Mickey doesn’t think he’s ever actually had a good thanksgiving. There was that one year his mom at least tried to have the traditional thanksgiving but she ended up burning the turkey and the pie was never baked all the way through and the green bean casserole fell on the floor. So basically they just had mashed potatoes and gravy while Terry watched the football game. After that his family ignored the holiday.

But with the Gallagher’s it’s different. It warm and comforting. Mickey can’t stop his dumb ass face from smiling the whole time.

 

Dinner ends with a promise of desert later after everything is digested. They pull away from the table and Ian looks at Mickey raising his eyebrow reminding him of the other joint Ian had stashed away. Mickey smiles and nods at Ian.

Ian taps Mandy’s shoulder and nudges to the door. She seems to understand as well and all three of them are walking outside. Mickey lights it this time and Ian lets him pass it to Mandy first. All three sit there and get high. Talking and laughing about old shit and new shit.

Mandy gets up at some point. “Stay here.” She says.

“Where you goin’?” Mickey asks

“I’m thirsty.” She laughs. She comes back a few minutes later with a bottle of vodka.

So they drink and get high together. Mickey allows himself to lean on Ian and Ian doesn’t notice and Mandy acts like she doesn’t notice. She also pretends not to notice how much more at ease Mickey looks with Ian, how in sync they fall so well. She smiles at them almost sadly afraid of what will happen if one of them admits their feelings. She doesn’t want a repeat of their breakup to ever happen again.

Mandy leaves them alone at some point claiming she should give Lip some attention. They joke and laugh.

At one point Mickey stops. “Mannn,” He says slurring a little. “What’s up with the army thing? Wasn’t that your dream or some shit?”

Ian’s laughing subsides. “Ahh. I had a few dreams then. One of them died…suppose I figured it was only a matter of time before the army one did too.”

“So you gave up?” Mickey takes a swig from the bottle of vodka. “Doesn’t sound like you.”

Ian shrugs. “I mean I suppose I could still join from a recruiting station but…I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel right anymore.” He looks at Mickey.

Mickey nods. “Yeah…”

They sit for a little in silence. Thinking about their pasts that neither of them knew about but then eventually the multiple shots of vodka makes them forget they were even having a semi-serious conversation and they’re back to joking around. 

Mandy heads home around 5 but Mickey decides to stay “a little longer.” He underestimates what he thought would be “a little longer.”

Both boys are drunk off their ass and it’s rather late but Mickey still manages to stand up and proclaim that he was no going to go home before tripping over something that wasn’t there and almost clashing with the ground.

“No no no.” Ian says shaking his head.

“Whattt?”

“No way are you going home like that?”

“Like what? I’m f..I’m f…I’m fineee.”

Ian laughs and shakes his head and then laughs at how shaking his head makes him feel.

“No way. I’m going to find you passed out in the cold ground tomorrow morning and I don’t feel right about that.”

Mickey rolls his eyes. “Fuckk. Finee mom.”

“Come on lets go.”

“Where we going?” He asks as he follows Ian back upstairs.

They go back to Ian’s room and Ian hands Mickey some blankets and a pillow.

“What’s this for?” Mickey asks.

“To sleep, dumbass.”

“Right right.”

“You can sleep here.” Ian looks down at the floor and back up at Mickey. Mickey bites his lip and nods before throwing the stuff Ian gave him on the ground. He gets himself comfortable and Ian hops on the bed. Mickey lays there staring at the celling, giving glimpses to Ian’s sleeping form every once in a while. He looks so at peace and Mickey forgot how beautiful it was. He’s now wide awake thinking again. He’s really starting to hate that. He feels guilty about sleeping in his ex’s room and though nothing would happen being in the room he fantasized about isn’t right. The guilt finally gets the better of him and he gets up. He nudges Ian slightly and the redhead stirs.

“Hey,” He whispers. “I’m just gonna sleep on the couch downstairs?”

Ian groans and rubs his eyes. “Umm alright. You sure?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Ian laughs. “Can promise it won’t smell like piss from Frank.”

“No worries. Gotta smell better than the couch at the apartment anyways.”

Ian nods. “Sure you can make it downstairs without falling, Grandma?”

Mickey laughs. “Hey I can hold my liquor better than you.”

Ian laughs and rolls back over to his other side. “Night, Mickey.”

“Night.” Mickey says as he leaves Ian’s room.

 

He makes his way downstairs, lucky that Frank hadn’t snuck in as the couch is available. He takes out his phone and dials a number he honestly wasn’t planning on calling till the end of the break.

He hears a scratchy “Hello” at the other end after a few rings.

“Eyy.” Mickey says. “Just wanted to see how your thanksgiving was.”

He hears Jackson laugh. “Good. It was really good. Mom made some great pumpkin pie. I ate so much of it I’ll probably be sick all week.”

“Ha good. I’m glad it was good.”

“Yeah.” Jackson waits a few seconds. “Wasn’t expecting you to call honestly.” He laughs awkwardly.

“What you got a problem with me calling my boyfriend to wish him a Happy Thanksgiving?”

“No. I just wasn’t expecting it is all. It’s nice.”

Mickey sighs.

“Sooo…. How was yours?” Jackson asks.

“It was good. Ian had some good pot. Or rather Lip did but Ian stole it so…”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.”

“You high right now?”

“Nah just drunk. Sobering up though.”

“Jesus Mickey.”

“What? It’s Thanksgiving.”

He can almost hear Jackson’s disappointment across the line.

“How was the drive?”

“It was fine. Long but alright.”

“Mhmm.”

Jackson’s tone is already annoying Mickey. Fuck him for trying to do something nice even if it might’ve been out of guilt.

“Where are you now? You home?” Jackson asks.

“Uh yeah. Mandy had to come pick me up.” Mickey lied. “Couldn’t really walk in a straight line.” He laughs.

“Mandy?”

“My sister.”

“Oh right. How is she?”

“She’s good.” Mickey doesn’t feel like talking much anymore. Maybe it’s the alcohol or maybe that it’s 1 in the morning or maybe it’s neither of those. Mickey fakes a yawn. “I gotta go. Gonna try to do some black Friday shopping tomorrow.”

Jackson laughs. “You? Shopping?”

“What I shop. Sometimes.”

“Even you can’t resist those deals huh?”

“Yup. So I’ll umm talk to you later?”

“Yeah. What time Sunday are you coming back?”

“Dunno. Around 6?”

“Alright. I’ll come by after work.”

Mickey wants to tell him to not bother or that he’d probably be tired but doesn’t. “Sounds good.”

He hangs up the phone and rests it on the coffee table. He takes one of the blankets Ian gave him and covers the couch, he uses the other to drape on him. He lays down and closes his eyes, falling asleep rather quickly.

The next morning he wakes up to way too many people talking at once for his liking. Fuck he forgot how loud this place got so early. He groans rubbing his eyes.

“Mornin’’ Ian says walking over to him with a coffee mug.

Mickey grunts in response. He hands Mickey the mug and Mickey smiles. “Thanks.”

“Sure. So wanna go black Friday shopping with us or you too hungover?” He laughs.

“Fuck off. I’m not hungover.”

“So you’ll go?”

“Yeah I’ll go.”

“Good. We should go soon before the sales stop. I’ll let Lip know.”

“Lip’s coming?”

“Uh yeah. He’s got the car.”

Mickey groans again making Ian laugh.

 

Lip’s not as bad as Mickey remembered though he is annoyed with his arm constantly around his sister’s shoulders. They all walk together through most of the mall journey but then at one point Lip and Mandy fuck off to god knows where leaving Ian and Mickey alone again.

“So,” Ian starts. “About last night.”

“What about last night?”

It’s clear whatever Ian is about to say he doesn’t really want to.

“Well last night and earlier in the day I guess. I had a feeling…”

Mickey sighs. “Will you just get to it, Gallagher?”

Ian shakes his head. “I just kind of got the impression. Well just a weird gut feeling that you maybe thought something was going to happen?”

“What’re you talking about?”

“I felt that maybe you thought something was going to happen with us.”

Mickey scoffs.

“And I just wanted you to know that that was never my intention. I didn’t want you to think anything of it.”

_God Mickey needs to get out of this conversation._

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

Ian closes his mouth quickly.

“Not really into redheads anymore.” He throws down the item he was looking at and walks away. Ian sighs and follows.

“Look I’m sorry, alright. I just…I just wanted us to be on the same page.”

“Well we are so fucking drop it.”

Ian holds his hands up in surrender. “Alright. I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”

“I ain’t a cheater anyways.”

“No. I know. I didn’t mean to imply-“

“Well you did…” They leave the store and wander around the rest of the mall not saying much to each other.

Finally they catch up to Lip and Mandy and Mickey makes an excuse to leave to Mandy’s surprise.

“Where you going?” She asks.

“Got shit to study for.” He tells her. “See you back home.”

He leaves and doesn’t look back to Ian.

 

The rest of the weekend he stays home “studying” which was mostly just playing video games and watching movies. A few times Mandy tries to get out of him what’s wrong or what happened but he doesn’t budge.

Sunday eventually comes and Ian meets Mickey in front of his house. They drive in silence for the first hour or so until one caves.

“Can we just forget whatever the fuck I said happened?” Ian asks.

He knows he said the wrong shit and it’s not like he wouldn’t have jumped at the chance to hook up with Mickey but he didn’t want to ruin his life further. It wasn’t fair to him so he told Mickey that he didn’t want it to happen. He wanted to get on the same page to make sure. He should’ve predicted Mickey’s reaction, he was always very defensive of his actions and Ian did kind of accuse him of wanting to cheat and not only that but he accused him of still wanting Ian. Why should he? Ian thinks.

Mickey sighs after Ian’s question is left in the air for a few minutes. “Sure.”

“I just…it was wrong and I’m sorry.”

“Can’t forget it if you keep mentioning it and apologizing.” Mickey says then smiles at Ian.

“Guess not.” Ian laughs.

“So change the subject.” Mickey says.

“Why do I have to be the conversation starter?”

“Cause you brought it up.”

And they're back to playful arguments. Their awkward tension behind them.

Though they promised to forget what Ian had said, neither do.

 

 

 

 

 


	7. I Can't Make You Love Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey has things to confess.

* * *

  _'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't_

_You can't make your heart feel something it won't_

_Here in the dark, in these final hours_

_I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power_

_But you won't, no you won't_

 

* * *

 

 

When they get back to school after their Thanksgiving break it’s pretty much straight to the books as final exams are the following week. They don’t see much of each other outside of a shared study room so both can get peace and quiet from their loud apartments. Exam week goes by as …well as stressful as it could but both boys are pretty confident about their scores.

Mickey and Ian leave to head home again. Mickey with promises to Jackson that he’ll call on Christmas and New Years and an attempt to meet half way to see each other.

The later never happens and Mickey almost misses calling on New Years.

In the month they are off from school Mickey and Ian spend a lot of time together. They get even closer than before and Mickey begins to hate himself because he knows. He knows he’s falling in love with Ian again. And he shouldn’t be…he really shouldn’t be. But he also knows he shouldn’t be with someone when he’s in love with someone else.

So the break ends about a week or two after Mickey’s epiphany, hoping it’d go away but it doesn't, and they make the long drive back home. Ian drops Mickey off at his apartment with a promise to see him the next day to hang out. Mickey smiles as he exits the car and grabs his bags. He breathes in, readying himself for the conversation with Jackson he’s been secretly practicing for well around two weeks.

He opens the door to his apartment and finds Jackson sitting down on the armchair.

“Hey,” Jackson gets up and smiles at Mickey. “Nice to finally see you.” He walks over to Mickey and gives him a kiss. Mickey moves his head a little earning him a cheek kiss instead.

“Yeah uh Ian just dropped me off. We left a little later than we planned.”

“I was more referring to our plans to meet halfway but…” Jackson looks at Mickey. “You’re here now so.”

He keeps trying to grab Mickey in ways that Mickey isn't comfortable with and Mickey pulls his arms away from him.

“What?” Jackson asks.

Mickey scratches his head. “Look can we talk?”

Jackson furrows his brow. “Uhh sure.” He takes a seat on one of the stools near the counter.

Mickey clears his throat awkwardly. “So…me and Ian we…spent a lot of time together this break and I…” Mickey breathes in. _Shit looks like the practicing for two weeks did fuck all for him._

Jackson waits.

“I umm came to realize. Those feelings I had for him that I told you were in the past…well weren’t.”

He looks at Jackson whose eyes are wide now.

“I’m fucking sorry. I wish I could-“

“Did you get with him?” Jackson asks.

“What? No! What kind of person you think I am?”

Jackson holds his hands up. “Sorry… sorry. I have the right to wonder right?”

Mickey looks down. “Not really.” He sighs again. “I wanted to though. So fucking badly. I just…” He rubs his temple. “I don’t even know if he feels the same way or anything.” He looks at Jackson, ashamed. “I know I shouldn't be with you if I’m thinking about another man. I’m sorry.”

Jackson nods. “It bad if I say I’m surprised you didn’t?”

“What?”

“Kiss him. Fuck him. I don’t know.” He laughs.

“Why you say it like that?”

Jackson shrugs “I just could tell something was up with you. You were exceptionally grumpy when you first bumped into him and when you became friends…You were happier than I've ever seen you. Than I ever saw you with me.” Jackson frowns.

Mickey bites his lip.

Jackson gets up from his seat. “Thanks for telling me.”

Mickey nods.

“Guess I should get going,” Jackson laughs. “Rick wanted me to help him pack for his new apartment tonight so I head over there.”

Jackson moves to the door.

“Take care, okay?” Mickey says.

Jackson turns around. “Yeah you too.” He looks down then back up at Mickey. “And hey if shit happens and he doesn’t feel the same way. You know where to find me.”

 “Yeah.”

“But hey I hope it does.”

“Thanks.” Mickey smiles.

“Sure.” Jackson second guesses himself but goes back over to Mickey, kissing him for what he thought would be one last time.

“That Ian’s an idiot if he doesn’t want you.” Jackson says to Mickey after he breaks away from the kiss and winks at Mickey.

It doesn’t seem malicious so Mickey doesn’t take it as such and lets Jackson go with an almost jovial feeling he didn’t think he’d feel after this discussion.

He doesn’t see Jackson’s actual emotions once his ex leaves the apartment.

 

The next day Mickey sees Ian. They meet for coffee at the nearly vacant Starbucks. Guess everyone else decided to stay indoors.

“So I broke up with Jackson.” Mickey says after a subject they were talking about ended.

"Oh really? That's...well good for you," Ian laughs. "What made you do it?"

"I uh..." Mickey wasn't expecting to actually give an answer about it. He didn't really think this through. "Well see I." Mickey can't think of the right words to let Ian know so he decides to show him instead.

 He doesn't earn the reaction he thought he would.

"Uhh..." Ian chuckles awkwardly. "Mickey I umm..."

"Oh fuck," Mickey backs away. "You don't...Oh shit." Mickey rubs his brow.

Ian opens and closes his mouth trying to get something out to say but only noises come out.

"Fuck I thought you...I mean I told Jackson I wasn't sure but I. Ha I really fuckin' thought."

"Mickey I'm sorry I just," Ian starts.

"No no. Don't apologize." Mickey rubs near his mouth. "Look I uh I gotta go."

"Mickey wait-"

"Just forget this shit happened. Please? I don't want to...I don't want to not be friends cause I'm a fucking idiot."

"Of course," Ian agrees. "You're not an idiot, Mick."

Mickey gives Ian a sad smile before he leaves.

 

If it was possible Ian would kick his own ass for the shit he's pulling. He's tempted to just go into the bathroom and reenact that scene from Liar Liar right now. He wants nothing more than to start over with Mickey. So what the fuck is stopping him?

 

Mickey goes back to his apartment after the highly embarrassing, emotionally traumatizing meeting with Ian to find Jackson there.

"Just here to pick up some of my stuff," He says upon seeing Mickey enter.

"Oh. Okay. Right."

Jackson drops the box he has and wears a bright smile. "So how'd it go?"

"Ha not good."

"You told him how you felt?"

"Yup." Mickey drops his bag and heads to the fridge.

Jackson smirks and makes his way over to Mickey.

"Well you still got me." He tilts his head to the side as Mickey turns around with his beer in hand.

"What?"

"I told you I'll still be here. If you'll have me."

Mickey scrunches his face in confusion.  "I broke up with you for someone else and you still want me."

Jackson moves closer to Mickey. "It's alright." He says putting his hand to the side of Mickeys head, his fingers brush through his hair. "You were confused. We all get confused," He continues in a patronizing way Mickey is immune to. "But it's okay now 'cause now we can be together without you wondering of what could've been." He says. "With him." Jackson finishes, almost snarling when he said "him".

"Yeah I uh. I guess."

Jackson grins and grabs Mickeys beer to lay on the counter.

"Guess it wasn't meant to happen again." Mickey says and Jackson shakes his head in saying _no it wasn't._ He leans down and kisses at Mickey's neck.

"Now lets say you and me sit down on the couch and watch a movie. I'll pick."

"A-Alright," Mickey agrees.

"Good." Jackson pulls Mickey along to follow him to the sofa.

 

That night he fucks Jackson and he tries, he tries not to imagine red hair and lean muscles instead of Jackson's usual bulkiness but he can't. Ian enters his mind anyway.

 


	8. Memories of Past Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian remembers some of the past regrets and tries to mend broken ties with Mickey after the coffee shop incident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I"m so sorry this took forever omg but 5.12 broke me like it did everyone and I just couldn't
> 
>  
> 
> Also I had most of this written (just not typed) way before anything of "the break up" happened and i just... :(

 

_When you said your last goodbye_

_I died a little bit inside_

_I lay in tears in bed all night_

_Alone without you by my side_

 

_All I want is nothing more_

_To hear you knocking at my door_

* * *

 

It’s a few days after Mickey’s confession to him and Ian is lying awake in bed. Its way past the time he was planning on going to sleep but he just can’t seem to. His mind drifts to a somewhat distant memory. One he wishes he could forget.

_“I don’t want to be afraid walking out of my house thinking Terry Milkovich is gonna jump me every second of the fucking day. It was bad enough when I was fake dating Mandy” He recalls himself yelling to Mickey on an autumn day 3 years earlier._

_“So what are you saying?” He sees Mickey, brow furrowed with a mix of anger and confusion._

_“I don’t want to hurt you I-“_

_“Hurt me?! Fuck you.” Mickey yelled. “I don’t give a shit.” He looked away from Ian then._

_“Mickey…”_

_“Why the fuck should I huh?” He turned back to face Ian. “You’re a fucking asshole, Ian Gallagher.” Mickey pointed to him and walked away._

_“I just-“ Ian tried to get the words out but Mickey was long gone down the road and Ian didn’t have the energy to catch up._

It was the shittiest thing Ian had done next to telling Mickey he didn’t care about him. He keeps reliving the events what happened years previous, the guilt still just as fresh. He should’ve been stronger, braver. He thinks.

He imagines that the incident at the coffee shop can be added to his list of shitty things he’s done. He embarrassed Mickey, led him on, and lied to his face.  Now Mickey isn’t answering his texts. Ian doesn’t blame him he just hopes Mickey hasn’t done anything drastic that he’ll regret. Ian decides he’ll leave Mickey alone for a few days and give him a call later in the week. He doesn’t want to lose their friendship and hopes Mickey feel the same way.

Ian keeps his promise to himself, gave Mickey some space and after about a week of unanswered texts he decides to finally call him.

Mickey picks up after the 5th ring.

“Yeah?”

“Mick it’s me…” _Obviously._ “Um look we haven’t talked since…” Ian decides to not go there. “I was just uh…wondering if you wanted to hang out?”

“Hang out?”

“Yeah. Get some…” _Not coffee. Not coffee._ “Burgers or something?”

It’s silent on the other line and Ian is about to check his phone to see if they disconnected somehow but he hears Mickey clear his throat. “Yeah sure. Burgers sound good.”

“Cool. 8 okay?”

“Sure 8 o’clock.”

“Ok. See you then.”

“Mhmm. I got some shit to do so if I’m late, I’m late.”

“’Might be late’ got it.” Ian laughed Mickey hung up after.

Mickey was about 15 minutes late by the time Ian saw him come through the doors. He spots Ian and walks over to him. He takes his place across from Ian.

“Uh sorry about when you called. I was asleep.”

Ian felt somewhat relieved. He thought the awkwardness of the call was going to haunt him long into the night. “Don’t worry about it.” It would strike anyone else odd that Mickey had apparently been sleeping at 2pm which was when Ian had called but they were college kids after all. Sleeping in to the early afternoon was expected. And Mickey still seeming visibly tired after supposedly waking up 6 hours ago also shouldn’t be odd. College kids were always fucking tired. Right?

Ian ignores the feeling and just lets himself hang out with Mickey. They talk and Mickey makes some half assed snarky remarks about the way the restaurant names their menu items. Their hang out ofter the incident was going good so why couldn’t Ian stop himself? Why couldn’t he just let it be?

 _Fuck._ He thinks. He sits back, putting his burger down, and wipes his hands. “Uh look, Mick.” Mickey looks up at him from his food. “I’m sorry I hurt you again. I’m always-“

Mickey puts his food down quickly. “Hurt me?” He laughs. “Nah, man. It’s fine. It was dumb. Just past feelings or some shit. It doesn’t matter.” _It doesn’t matter. I don’t give a shit._ Both lies.

“It doesn’t?” Ian asks.

“Nah don’t worry about it. Besides I’m back with Jackson now so…” He takes his burger back from his plate.

“What? Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why’?” Mickey swallows what he has in his mouth. “I only broke up with him because I was confused.” He places his burger back down and grabs a fry.

“Confused?”

“About you and me. It was my past self fucking up my present self.”

“I don’t understand.”

“That’s how Jackson put it at least.”

Ian rolls his eyes. Luckily Mickey was too engrossed and deciding what to dip his fry in to notice. “Yeah I bet.”

“I’m just lucky he understood and took me back, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Something doesn’t feel right. “It’s just that-“

Mickey clears his throat cutting Ian off. “Look we’re gonna have to cut our hanging out time a little.”

Considering this was the first time they hung out in days Ian wants to laugh but it’s not a funny thing. Ian drops what he was trying to say about his thoughts on Jackson and Mickey and pays attention to them hanging out decreasing.

“What?”

“Yeah. I mean not stop totally…obviously but you know not everyday or maybe few times a week,” Mickey looks down at his food and mumbles, “…probably less but,’ He shrugs.

“Why? Thought you said it didn’t bother you?”

“It doesn’t but Jackson-“

Ian puts both hands on the table trying not to make a scene. “Jackson. Jackson. Is that all I’m gonna hear from you?”

“The fuck you getting angry for?” Mickey sits up, defensive.

“A few weeks ago you didn’t give a shit about what Jackson wanted you to do. You did whatever the fuck you wanted.”

Mickey scoffs.

“He’s a bit possessive now don’t you think?” Ian should stop himself but he can’t.

He can literally almost see Mickey put up a barrier between them. “What do you mean?’

Ian sighs. “I don’t know Mickey you’re usually more-“

“More what?” Mickey starts to get angry.

“Look I-“ Ian tries to backtrack.

“No more what?”

Ian sits back realizing what he started. “I didn’t mean to offend”

“Well then maybe shut the fuck up when you think about saying something.” Mickey says, harshly.

“Jesus Mickey. I’m just trying to help”

“Well don’t!” He yells. “And fuck me for wanting to make my boyfriend feel comfortable in our relationship. Not like you’d know shit about that.”

Mickey’s anger causes Ian to get angry. They were funny like that.

“This past you talking again?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Mickey gets up from his chair, grabbing his jacket and throwing bills on the table. “I’ll see you later.”

Ian watches Mickey storm out. He lets his hands fall to the table not realizing how hard it was and hears the plates rattle against the table. He lets his head fall in his hands.

 

A week or so passes and Ian doesn’t attempt to get back in Mickey’s good graces again. He probably shouldn’t have talked shit about Jackson. What right did he have? But something doesn’t seem right about the guy and Ian can’t place it.

It’s a rainy Saturday, Ian’s roommate went home for the weekend, and Ian’s left to himself. He watches the rain outside his window and listens to the booming of thunder echo through his apartment. He thinks, he thinks about how he wishes he wasn’t such a coward then. How he wishes he wasn’t one now. Mickey hadn’t been easy in expressing his love in the beginning so why once he got that love back did Ian leave him? Ian plays what happened their last month together over and over in his head till he hears a knock at his door.

He gets up thinking it’s Jason not being able to go home after all because of the storm. He opens the door to a dripping wet man. Ian turns the outside light on and sees that it’s the same man that was in his mind moments earlier.

“Mickey? What’re you…?”

“I’m sorry.” Mickey lets out, wiping his damp face. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

“No I’m sorry I shouldn’t have intruded. I didn’t have a right.”

Mickey shrugs. “You have a right. I mean…we’re friends right?”

Ian smiles. “Yeah.”

“Good. You gonna let your friend in or do I have to stand here dripping like I just swam Lake Michigan?”

Ian laughs and moves out of the way to let Mickey in.

In the clear light Ian can see Mickey’s more soaked that he originally though and just the few seconds of him standing there there’s a water puddle already on the floor.

“Wait here,” Ian says. “I’ll get you some warm clothes.”

“Nah you don’t have to do that.”

“I’m not gonna let you soak my carpet.”

“Ah yes cause it’s such a nice carpet. Those drink stains and cigarette burns really brighten the room.”

“Haha,” Ian says throwing Mickey a towel. “I don’t need mold in here on top of everything else.”

“Yes your highness.” Mickey takes the towel and starts wiping his face. “Hey you uh mind if I shower? The rain is fucking freezing and I could use one.”

“Sure. It’s through there.” Ian points to the small hallway near his room.

Mickey walks to where Ian’s finger led.

“I’ll just leave the clothes on the counter.”

“Sure. Thanks.”

Ian nods.

He waits a few minutes for the shower to go before he enters to put the clothes he was letting Mickey borrow on the counter. He sees Mickey’s wet clothes and takes them up deciding to put them in wash.

He leaves the room thinking about their showers together. Trying to make it hot and heavy but ending up cracking up at how difficult it actually was.

_“Why’s it look so much easier in porn?” Mickey would ask._

_Ian would laugh and shrug and go to sucking on Mickey’s neck and biting it till he brunette laughed, palmed Ian’s hair, and claimed that they might as well actually get clean since shower sex wasn’t working._

 

Ian puts the clothes in the wash and goes to the tv. He sits down and flips through channels. He settles on a movie.

Mickey walks out after a while rubbing the towel Ian gave him on his head.

“Thanks for the shower and clothes.” Mickey says.

“No problem.”

“What’d you do with mine?”

“In the wash.”

“Cool.” Mickey sits down on the couch, looking at the tv that now seems to be on a commercial break. “Whachu watching?”

Ian turns to him and grins widely.

“What?” Mickey smiles, unsure. Then turns back to the tv from looking at Ian. “No! No, no fucking way.”

“He’s the best Mickey. There’s no arguing.”

“Fuck you and your Van Damme!” Mickey yells causing both of them to laugh and they sit like that for a while. And after much argument Ian changes the channel to something they both want and they stay like that the rest of the night, waiting for the storm to pass by but not caring if it did or didn’t.  


	9. It's 3am and It Feels Like These Four Walls Are Caving In.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey leaves Ian's house late and the darker side of Jackson is seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Abuse. Verbal and some physical. 
> 
> (I had this written well did notes on this wayy before parts of s5 happened and I feel so bad cause well...)

_“ Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading_

_So sick and tired of all the needless beating_

_But baby when they knock you_

_Down and out_

_(Isn’t) where you oughta stay”_

 

* * *

 

Mickey wakes up sometime in the night. He’s on a couch. He looks at his surroundings and soon realizes he’s not in _his_ apartment. He also realizes there’s someone next to him on the couch. He looks over. Ian? Shit.

“Shit.” He says louder getting up. He checks the time on his phone. 3:30am. “Shit!” He says even louder causing Ian to stir.

The redhead rubs his eyes. “What is it?” He says groggily.

“We fucking fell asleep!”

“So?”

“’So?’ So! It’s 3 in the fuckin morning.”

Ian still doesn’t understands the problem.

“It’s 3 in the fucking morning and I have a boyfriend…” Mickey decides not to continue and shakes his head.

Ian wipes is face with his hand and sighs.  “Your boyfriend got a problem with you staying at a friend’s house”

“When my friend is an ex? Yeah maybe.”

“Mickey, come on.”

“Look,” Mickey says, staring at Ian seriously. “I know you’re trying to help and trying to be a friend but just…don’t. Okay?”

Ian throws his hands up in defeat. “Fine.”

Mickey grabs his keys and heads to Ian’s door. “I’ll text you later.”

“Yup.” Ian lets out before the door closes.

He gets up from the couch, now apparently awake. He fishes in the freezer for some ice cream and switches the tv station.

His roommate walks out a little later.

“Oh sorry, man.” Ian says but Jason shakes his head.

“No worries. I was up anyways.”

Ian laughs “At 3am?”

“It’s 3am? Shit I didn’t even notice. Fuckin Netflix man.”

“Ahh” Ian laughs.

“Weren’t you with Milkovich?” Jason asks realizing Mickey wasn’t there.

“Yeah. He left.”

“He left? At 3am?”

“Mhmm” Ian says bringing a spoonful of icecream to his mouth.

“What’s the story with you two?” Jason asks.

“What do you mean? He’s my-“

“I know you’re ex’s but like. What’s going on with you two _now?_ ”

Ian shrugs. “He went home to his boyfriend so.”

“And you don’t like that?”

Ian throws his spoon into the now empty ice cream carton. “Personally,” he says getting up. “I couldn’t give a shit.”

Jason could tell by Ian’s tone not only did he not mean that but also that Jason should maybe drop the subject.

“You’re pissed though?”

“It’s just annoying is all. Mickey doesn’t…I don’t know. It’s just fucking annoying.”

Jason laughs. “Maybe you need to hang out with someone else that’s not your ex who’s taken.”

Ian shrugs. “Yeah maybe.”

“Oh,” Jason says excitedly. “I could set you up with someone.”

Ian laughs. “No thanks.” He rubs the back of his head. “Hey I’m gonna head to bed. You want me to turn this off?” He asks holding the remote.

“Nah. I’ll stay up for a bit. Take a Netflix break with some actual tv.”

Ian chuckles. “See you later.”

“Night.”

 

 

 

Mickey makes his way to his apartment. He puts the key into the lock slowly, trying to keep the noise at a minimum to not wake Jackson up.

He opens the door to only be faced with more darkness. He moves around towards the kitchen feeling the wall to turn on one of the lights.

He jumps when the other kitchen lights goes on before he can reach the one he was looking for.

Jackson is sitting on the barstool closest to the kitchen wall.

Mickey breathes in, throws his keys on the counter, and walks towards the fridge.

“Where you been?” Jackson asks, slurring a bit.

Mickey turns to him. “Are you drunk?”

“Answer the question.”

Mickey turns away from Jackson and goes back to the fridge. He hears the barstool creak against the tile floor and feels a pull on his arm dragging him away from the fridge.

“Answer the question. Were you with him?”

“I was at his place. I lost track of time. Fell asleep. Nothing happened.” Mickey says calmly, which was the opposite of what Jackson was right now.

 

 “Don’t lie to me.” Jackson says getting so close to Mickey’s face he can smell the alcohol on his breath.

“I’m not lying.” Mickey says through gritted teeth. He’s tired of it all so much. He’s tired of being called a liar, he’s tired of this complicated shit with Ian. He’s tired and all he wanted to do was go the fuck to sleep.

Jackson is having none of it though. The last thing Mickey sees before he feels the sting of pain is Jackson’s hand about to collide to his face.

It was an accident. He’s sure of it. He grabs his face and groans.

“Ah fuck.”  He pulls his hand back and sees blood.

He looks at Jackson whose eyes are wide.

“Oh my god. Babe. I’m sorry. Shit. Shit I’m sorry, baby” Jackson’s hands come up to Mickey. Gently this time and Mickey almost lets him, almost. He turns away instead.  

“Stop fucking calling me that.” He spits out the blood that has now entered his mouth in the sink.

Jackson doesn’t take it and tries to come after Mickey again. He turns him around, his eyes sad. It’s fake. The voice in the back of Mickey’s head says.

“Come on, Mickey.” Jackson makes a grab for Mickey’s arm but Mickey yanks it away.

He can see Jackson get angry again and the taller man hits him again, hard. The second hit was just as much of a surprise as the first. Though he knew this one wasn’t an accident.

“Fuck you!” Jackson says. “I’m so good to you. You know that?” He says poking Mickey in the chest. “You don’t deserve it. You fucking don’t.

 He watches as Jackson takes another look at Mickey’s shocked face. He watches as he goes for another “I’m sorry”, a pet name, and soft touch on Mickey’s arm but Mickey takes this as an opportune time to push him away.

“Get the fuck off me.” He says as he watches Jackson stumble back. Mickey moves away from his spot in the kitchen and goes to grab his keys from the counter. His other hand is grabbing his face, his heart beating fast.  

“Mickey, come on. You know I didn’t mean it. Where are you going?”

“Away from here!”

“You’re running to him aren’t you?” Jackson yells.

“Fuck off.” Mickey says making his way back to the door.

“He doesn’t love you, Mickey. Not anymore. If he ever did.” Jackson continues to taunt following Mickey. Mickey slams the door in his face.

 Even though a large part of him believes Jackson he still goes anyway, the cold numbing his damaged face.


	10. When Comfort and Warmth Can't Be Found I Still Reach For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey does what Jackson said he would, cause if he was being honest he didn't know where else to go.

_Lay down with me._

_Tell me no lies._

_Just hold me close._

_Don’t patronize me._

* * *

 

 

Mickey finds himself back at Ian's despite Jackson's words haunting him. "He doesn't love you.Not anymore...If he ever did". He steadies his breathing as he lifts his hand to knock. 

He knocks on the door to Ian’s apartment with his knuckles, urgently and not too loud but loud enough that it should be heard in the apartment. When there’s no answer, his knuckles turn into a fist and he shakes.  _When’d it get so fucking cold?_  He uses his fist to bang on the door causing a boom boom that could be heard through the hallway. He hears the lock and the door click and he steps back. He soon registers its not Ian in front of him and he hides his face.

 

 

“Ian here?” Though Mickey knew he was, he only left an hour ago.

“It’s almost 5 o’clock in the morning.”

“Is Ian fucking here?!”

Jason sighs. He turns behind him to yell Ian’s name, dragging it out so the redhead could hear.

 

“What?” Ian comes, his roommate still on the “n” of his name.

“Door.”

Mickey finally glances up and sees Ian in the doorframe.

“Mick? What’re you…did you forget something?”

Jason goes back into the apartment leaving Ian and Mickey alone.

Mickey shakes his head still not looking up. “I come in?”

Ian sighs as he moves out the way, inviting Mickey in.

Ian rolls his eyes. “Isn’t Jackson pissed? Or ‘worried’ whatever you want to call it?” He says as he closes the door.

Mickey swallows. “Yeah” He turns to Ian.

Ian’s eyes go wide seeing Mickey’s face clearly in the well-lit apartment. “Shit Mickey your face”

Mickey moves his hands up to his injury. He pulls his hand back surprised there was still blood, figuring the cold froze it off. “Oh…yeah. I…”

“Did he do that?” Ian asks, stepping in closer.

Mickey looks up quickly at Ian, his tongue moving across his lip, not sure what to say. He shrugs like it’s nothing or tries to make it seem like nothing. “He gets…excited sometimes.”

“Sometimes? This isn’t the first?”

“It is…it’s never been like this.” Mickey points to his face. Mickey quickly point to his face. He watches as Ian rushes to the kitchen, grabbing an ice pack from the freezer. “This is the first time. He…just got excited is all, alright?”

“Mickey this isn’t excited. Excited is I accidentally banged my head on the celling cause I was jumping on the couch too high or some shit this is.”

“Oh you have experience with that huh?” Mickey tries to joke.

“It’s not funny, Mick.”

“No, no,” Mickey looks down. “I know.”

Ian leans over to Mickey, carefully, holding the ice pack to his face.

Mickey moves away. “Nah I don’t need that the cold outside helped.”

But Ian wasn’t taking it, and Mickey was still bleeding a little. “Thanks.”

“I just can’t fucking… How long has this been going on?”

Mickey shrugs.

He watches as Ian’s jaw clenched in anger. “I’m gonna…” he started, referring to whatever he thought he was going to do to Jackson.

“You’re gonna what?” Mickey says, looking at Ian like it’s not his place, which it not.

“He can’t do this…”

“I don’t need you to fight my battles for me.” Mickey says, he never liked being pitied.

But Ian knows that.

“No, no I know.” Ian nods.

Mickey sighs. “Look can I uhh just crash here tonight? Kinda don’t wanna go back” He’s so fucking tired. He didn’t even realize.

“Yeah of course.”

Mickey makes a move to the couch.

“Nah, man. I’m not gonna make you sleep on the fuckin couch.” Ian says. “You can stay in my bed.”

“What? No.”

“I’m not gonna touch you. Look I’ll be on the other side”

Mickey still gives Ian a look like he has 2 heads. “If you want me to sleep on the floor to put you at ease I’ll do that.”  

Mickey takes another look at the small couch that wouldn’t fit his frame even if he squeezed his legs together, and the numerous stains that were too many to count.

He breathes in, defeated. “Alright fine.”

Mickey finds himself on Ian’s bed, the redhead keeping his promise of sleeping on the floor. Ian throws him a blanket when he realizes Mickey’s not getting under the covers.

Though both are tired, Mickey can’t sleep and through worry neither can Ian. They stay up a little longer, talking. Ian can tell how tired Mickey is by him having no filter, not a language filter but more of a feelings filter. He talks about so much shit Ian never knew. Mickey even mentions his mom who Ian’s barely heard about.

Their conversation goes briefly to their time apart, still not delving in deep. Which leads to the elephant in the room of, Jackson.

There’s silence between them until Ian finally asks. “You’re not gonna…continue to be with him are you…?” Ian asks.

There’s silence and Ian thinks for a moment maybe Mickey finally fell asleep. But there’s a sad, soft sigh.

“Mickey…”

“I don’t know,” He admits, out into the darkness that separates them.

Ian sits up from his laying position on the floor.  “Mickey you can’t. You can’t let him treat you like that. You can’t let anyone treat you like that. You deserve better.”

“Yeah…” Mickey sighs. “I’m not so sure about that.”

“Mickey,” Ian continues. “You deserve better than this.” He says firmly.

And Mickey hears it clearly, it repeats in his mind and they stay in silence once again.

After a few minutes Mickey opens his mouth.

“I loved you, you know...back then,” He says, half hoping Ian had fallen asleep. He never admitted it then when they were together though he always felt it.

“Yeah...I know.” Ian admits. Though Mickey had never said the words, he knew. He always knew. He wants to say so too, but Mickey was talking of the past. He _loved_ him. They  _loved_ each other. Till Ian broke it off years ago. 

“I’m sorry everything got fucked up.” Mickey's mouth slurs his words a bit, sleepiness finally getting to him.

“Me too.” Ian says back. Though he knew it was his doing, the break up, not speaking after. 

 

Mickey falls asleep soon after, his last memory of the day being finally telling Ian Gallagher he loved him.

 

Ian didn’t fall asleep. His mind causing him to think too much now, about the past, about the most recent events, about the future.

He had to do something. He wasn’t going to let Mickey Milkovich slip through his fingers. Not again.

 


	11. I Don't Wanna Love Somebody Else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian's bed is Mickey-less and Ian is worried.

 

 

 

_i worship this tenacity_  
_and the beautiful struggle we're in_  
 _love will not elude us_  
  
_love is simple_

 

* * *

 

Ian wakes the next day to look up and find his bed with out Mickey.  He gets up and checks his room and the connecting bathroom.

“Mick?” Ian calls out. “Mickey?”

He goes around the apartment trying to find Mickey.

Jason’s on the couch watching morning cartoons.

“Hey, you see Mickey around?”

Jason nods and swallows his cereal. “Mm dude left around 9.”

Ian checks the microwave clock. It reads 11am.

“Shit.” He goes back to his room and checks his phone. No calls or texts. He goes to his contacts and scrolls to Mickey’s name. He hopes nothing happened to him or he didn’t go back to Jackson, remembering what he said the night before when Ian asked him about going back to him. His mind doesn’t allow him to worry further as Mickey picks up the phone on the 3rd ring.

“Hey,” Mickey answers.

 “Where are you?” Ian gets right to it.

He hears a sigh on the other end. “Outside my apartment.”

“What? Mick-“  

“Relax. It’s alright. I came to talk but he’s apparently not here so…”

“Mickey, you’re not gonna go back to him?”

There’s a long pause. “Nah…No.” Mickey  breathes out. “Ha turns out I actually didn’t do much sleeping last night. Kept waking up and shit. I thought a lot about what you said and…maybe you’re right. Maybe I deserve someone better.”

Good. Good. Ian thinks “Mickey you don’t have to confront him yourself. I can make it there in about 5 minutes.” Ian already starts going through his drawers to get clothes out.

“Nah. I got this.” Mickey says confidently. “Don’t need you protecting my ass.” He laughs.  “You working today?”

“No. You sure you don’t need help or anything?”

“Yeah. I’ll be fine,” Mickey says. “Meet up with me later?”

“Sure. Okay.”

There’s a click on the other end as Mickey hangs up. Ian holds his phone in his hands and sits on the bed. Thinking again, always thinking.

Mickey does deserve better and Ian hopes he can be better for him. Ian wasn’t going to let fear get in the way of them, not anymore.

 

 

They meet up later in the day, Mickey texting Ian a place an hour earlier.

“He ever show up?” Ian asks, hesitantly.

Mickey shakes his head. “Tried to gather up all his shit, put it in a box. Didn’t realize how much stuff he left over.” He gives a half chuckle and plays with his sandwich.  “I could always sell the crap. Pay for groceries for a week or two.”

Ian nods in agreement. It’s not a bad idea. “He have keys to your place?”

Mickey sighs. “Yeah. He’s got the spares.”

“Shit.”

“Mhmm. Tried to see if I can get the locks changed or something but the apartment’s office isn’t open on weekends so I’ll have to wait till Monday at least.”

“They work on Monday?” Ian asks, his mouth with some food still in it.

Mickey gives him a questioning look.

Ian wipes his mouth. “It’s a holiday.”

“Ah shit that’s right. Okay so Tuesday then.” Mickey bites his lip. “Fuck.”

“You know you can stay at my place as long as you need, Mick.” Ian wipes his hands on his napkin, an attempt to be casual about it.

“Yeah?” Mickey looks up.

 “Long as you need.”

Mickey nods and takes Ian’s offer in. “Yeah I’ll think about it. Thanks.”

Ian smiles. “Of course.”

They sit in silence, neither sure what to say next, and eat. Mickey finally thinks of a movie he saw the other night and wanted to tell Ian about but forgot about it. That gets them talking about things other than the events of the night before.

Ian tries his best to make Mickey laugh, with success. Their eyes meet after Mickey wipes away his tears from laughter at a particular thing Ian says and they both get lost. How could they have this connection but still not connect?

Mickey is the first to break, shaking his head and looking down at the table.

“We should get going huh?” He asks. Ian clears his throat and agrees.

They both get up and dispose of their trash.

They make it outside and start walking away from campus.

“You wanna come back to my place? We could watch something on Netflix?”

“Yeah sure. For a little bit.” Mickey agrees but Ian can sense some hesitation.

“Cool.”

“Hey before we…decide on that can I say something?” Mickey asks, stopping Ian.

“Uh sure.” Ian doesn’t know why but his heart starts racing, something about Mickey’s tone.

“Good.” Mickey clears his throat uneasily. “You know the last night when I said that shit about how I loved you…?” Mickey waits for Ian's confirmation. He could take it back if Ian didn’t remember. 

“Yeah. I do.” Ian remembers almost fondly because he had wanted to hear those words from Mickey for forever, he never thought he would if he was being honest. But he was talking of the past, of memories.

“That was a fucking lie and I’m sorry,” Mickey lets out and Ian’s heart drops. He tries not to let it show on his face, the disappointment, the regret that he himself didn’t say anything when he could, and the sadness that Mickey didn’t love him.

 _I was tired. You were giving me a place to stay when I needed it and I was confused_ were the reasons Ian made up that would come out of Mickey’s mouth next.

But it’s not.

“I was wrong to say that,” Mickey starts again.  “I said I loved you…but I…I never stopped.  I loved you yes. I still love you and I probably will forever love you.”

Mickey continues and Ian’s sure he’s not hearing the words correctly but Mickey keeps going, his words filling Ian with a warmth he hasn’t felt in a long time.

 “And if you don’t feel the same way and want to stay friends that’s fine but I just needed you to know so I can- Well I just needed you to know that.”

Mickey, done, finally looks back up at Ian unable to read him.

“Mickey…” Ian lets out, and Mickey thinks the worst.

“Yeah, I know.” He brushes the rest of what Ian’s about to say and decides to continue walking.

“Mickey!” Ian yells running to him and moves in front of him.

“Look I know what you’re going to say and I just-“

“I love you,” Ian lets out, a huge weight coming of his shoulder. “I love you so fucking much.” He grabs Mickey’s shoulders, making sure he hears him. “I. Love. You. I’m sorry I was such a shit and let you say those things to me  and I just threw it in your face. I was scared. I let my fear about…shit about everything get in between us again but fuck , Mickey. I love you.”

Ian watches as Mickey’s eyes go wide, taking all of Ian’s words in and believing them. He watches as Mickey’s face breaks into the most fulfilled smile he’s seen.

“You love me?”

“Yes. So much.” Ian leans down and kisses Mickey’s lip. He pulls away quickly. “So fuckin much.”

They kiss each other and time seems to stop. The kiss each other not caring about the bystanders concerned about PDA. They kiss each other like they never stopped being together, like the past years never happened. They’re finally together again.


	12. I Will Be There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Months after the incident that finally brought them together Mickey is still trying to cope.... or ignoring it completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the long awaited   
> hasn't been updated  
> probably given up on by fans  
> continuation of this college fic i loved so much
> 
> hope you enjoy

_If you ever need someone to cry to  
If you ever need someone to hold you_

_I will be there_  
Standing by your side  
I will be there  
Standing by your side

 _If you ever need someone_  
To just love you  
If you ever need someone   
To simply adore you

 _I will be there_  
Standing by your side  
I will be there  
Standing by your side

 

 

Months pass after their mutual confessions of love to one another and when Mickey asks to go slow…boy does he mean slow.

Though Ian’s not complaining he’s just happy to be with him once again and this time do it right. Though going slow now means hardly any fucking. They fuck of course. It wouldn’t be them if they didn’t just not as often as Ian’s used to. Though Ian notices it takes a while for Mickey to be touched and like it. If it wasn’t rough sex Mickey didn’t seem to remember how to react but he doesn’t get angry. Not this time.

Ian chalks it up to the situation with Jackson. Mickey still doesn’t mention him and Ian doesn’t pry or tries not to that is until one day he lets it out.

One morning Mickey wakes up an hour after Ian and gets up off the bed stretching his back until a crack is heard. He walks to the kitchen where Ian is typing away on his laptop at the counter.

“Hey,” Mickey says rubbing his eyes. “You got up early.”

“Yeah,” Ian greets him not taking his eyes off his computer. “Forgot about this fucking paper I have due this afternoon.”

“Shit,” Mickey grabs a cup of coffee. “What class?”

“Mystery, Myth, and Horror.”

“Fun. How many pages?”

“Just 2. Double spaced. But I didn’t read the fuckin story we were supposed to so now I have to sparknote everything.”

Mickey chuckles lightly. “Perks of the college life, huh? There’s always something you’re forgetting to do.”

“Yeah.” Ian sighs. “You working today?” Ian asks, rubbing his eyes.

Mickey nods and checks the time. “In about an hour.” He finishes his cup and puts it in the sink. He walks over to Ian and kisses him on the cheek the redhead still only making contact with the glowing computer screen.

“You’re done by 3?”

“Yeah. Got my first class in 40 mintues.” Ian types rapidly on his computer as Mickey puts on his clothes in Ian’s room.

“Damn.” Mickey says walking back into the kitchen figuring maybe he should actually eat breakfast since he’ll be at work for 6 hours.

Ian slams his computer shut. “Done.”

Mickey smiles. “So I’ll see you after work?” He asks pouring cereal into a bowl, watching Ian put his laptop in his bag. “You’ll be back here by then right?”

“Huh? Uh yeah.” Ian hesitates. “Or we can just go to your place.” Ian leaves not looking up at Mickey.

Mickey stops scooping his spoon through his cereal. “And why would we do that?”

Ian closes his eyes and readies himself for what may come. “Why not? We spend so much time here.”

“Do you not want me to spend time here?”

“I never said…” Ian scratches his head. “I just don’t get why we have to be at my place all the time.”

Mickey sighs and goes back to his cereal.

 Ian continues. “I mean it’s not like you fuckin live here.” _Uhoh_

Mickey drops his spoon in his cereal, the clank echoing in the small kitchen. “Look if you don’t want me here just fuckin say so.”

“I never said that,” Ian mumbles.

“Uhuh”

“I said I never fuckin said that!”

“Then what?” Mickey yells back, standing up. “Am I intruding on your privacy? Is my ass taking up too much room in your luxurious life, huh?”

“You haven’t been back to your place in _months. Months!_ If you’re scared-“

“Fuck you!” Mickey shakes his head and heads towards the door where he left his shoes.

Ian breaths in. “If you’re fucking scared just say so but don’t hide away from him he doesn’t-“

Mickey makes his way back to Ian. “I aint fucking scared of shit. You’re one to talk asshole!”

“What does that mean?”

Mickey shakes his head and walks back to start putting his shoes on.

“No come on! What the fuck does that mean?” Ian follows his anger matching his opponent.

Mickey turns back around sharply.“Your fuckin pussy ass couldn’t stay with me because you were too chicken shit thinking about what my dad would do to us.”

 “You’re really gonna bring that up now? After all this-“

“You had no idea the shit I had to go through to be with you and you just fucking drop it like it was nothing.” Ian ignores the water seeming to suddenly form in Mickey’s eyes.

“I did not!”

“Oh fuck off.” Mickey says trying to bring his attention back to the shoes he was struggling to put on.

“You acting like if your dad found out about us it’ll be all ice cream and daisies.”

“No I wasn’t. Believe me I know better than anyone how he’d be but I didn’t give a shit because I wanted to _be with YOU_!”

“Well _I_ didn’t want to end up dead in a ditch somewhere from something so-“

“ _So?_ So what?”

Ian shakes his head.   
“No ‘so’ what, Ian?”

Ian bites his tongue and looks down at his feet.

Mickey takes a step back. “Did you not think we were gonna last? Is that it?”

Ian shakes his head. “It was so hard, Mickey. Our life…”

“Yeah I know I was there.”

“I know you were. Can you really blame me for being freaked out I mean your dad he’s…well like you said you know.” He says quiet now.

Mickey just nods.

“The way we were going. I figured one of us was bound to break up with the other or end up dead. So I figured I’d take the lesser risk.”

“Lesser risk? You broke my fuckin’ heart.” Mickey chokes out. And it’s like when Ian broke up with him trying to act tough but his voice fighting against him. It takes Ian aback  and he’s not sure what to say next.

Mickey runs his hands through his dark hair and sighs not looking at Ian. “I gotta go to work or I’m gonna be late” _Not true he still had about 45 minutes to spare._

Ian lets him go, the slamming of the door rattling him enough to bring his mind out of the mild shock.

Then he looks at the clock. “Shit!” He says, knowing now he was the one that was going to be late.

 

Mickey doesn't come back to Ian’s after work that day though Ian isn’t surprised by this at all. Their fight was pretty intense and Ian didn’t think they’d make up anytime soon let alone Mickey to come busting through the door like nothing happened. Ian wonders how long it will take for Mickey to say something. _Why’s he always the one who does it?_ A voice in his head says to him and after a few minutes Ian agrees. He’s about to call Mickey leaving an apology on what will probably be his voicemail when he hears his phone ring instead his caller id displaying the name of the man he was seconds away from calling himself.

“Mick?” Ian picks up.

It’s silent for a while until he hears a sigh. “You were right?” Mickey’s voice says and he sounds tired, defeated.

“What?”

“I’m a fuckin pussy…” Mickey says softly, trailing off.

 

 

“Wha-… where are you?” Ian asks, Mickey’s tone scaring him a bit.

Mickey doesn’t seem to hear Ian’s question he just keeps talking. “Can’t even go into my own fuckin apartment alone,” Mickey gives a small bitter laugh. “Fuck…”

Ian understands now. “Is he there?”

“No. Fuck. I don’t know.”

Ian hears a sigh and Mickey breathing harshly through his nose.

“Mickey where are you right now?” Ian asks already getting his shoes on.

“Side of the building. I can see the apartment I just can’t-“

“I’ll be there in 5 minutes.” Ian says his shoes on, grabbing his roommate’s keys.

“Ian-“

“Just stay there.”

“Ok. Ian?”

“Yeah?” Ian says now down by the car.

“I’m sorry.”

Ian sighs deeply, starts the car, and pulls out.

“You shouldn’t be apologizing, Mick. I spoke out of turn. I should’ve calmly talked to you about it or something.”

Mickey laughs lightly partially out of humor partially out of nerves. “Calmly talk? To me?” He says jokingly. “Good luck.”

Ian gives a chuckle and waits for the exit gates of his apartment to open.

“I’m still sorry though you know.”

“Yeah,” Mickey sighs.

“I’ll be there in 5 minutes.”

“Thanks”

Ian’s about to say _Love you_ again but he hangs up instead, unsure if it was the right time anyways.

Soon he rounds the corner to Mickey’s, his apartment always keeping their gates open till late, and finds his apartment. He parks the car and jogs to the side of the building where Mickey said he was.

He watches the shadowy figure pacing back and forth, tossing his phone anxiously between his hands.

“Mick?” Ian whispers in the dark.

The shadow figure stops and turns to him. “Ian?”

Ian moves up to him quickening his pace. “Hey,” he says when he’s in front of him. He badly wants to grab him and hold him, maybe that would comfort him, but he’s not sure what Mickey is okay with right now. “You okay?” He asks instead.

Mickey nods though his leg visibly moving uneasily telling Ian that’s not true.

“I don’t know what it is I just can’t go in.” He says looking towards where his door on the 2nd floor would be. “And I can’t stop fucking-“ he turns his hands over in front of Ian. Ian notices them trembling. Mickey grabs them out of frustration, distances himself from Ian a bit, and shakes them hard in an attempt to get them to stop.

“Hey, hey.” Ian walks back closer to Mickey. He grabs Mickey’s hands. “It’s okay.”

Mickey nods taking his hands out of Ian’s to run through his hair. “I need a smoke.”

Ian pulls out his pack and hands one to Mickey. 

“Thanks,” Mickey says pulling out his lighter.

“What do you usually do? I know you haven’t been wearing the same clothes this whole time?’

Mickey shrugs. “I knew he was going away the week after to see his family or some shit in his hometown so I snuck in and grabbed some stuff.”

“You shouldn’t have to sneak in to your own place you know?”

Mickey nods again and inhales his cigarette.

“Okay. Why don’t we go up together, grab some shit, go back to my place, and then tomorrow we can work on getting the locks changed like we were going to do weeks ago?”

Mickey sighs. “I don’t need to keep bothering you with this shit. It’s so fuckin stupid” He looks down.

“Hey,” Ian says and Mickey looks up. “I’m not leaving you to fight this shit alone. Not again. Okay?’

Mickey gives a small smile. “Yeah okay.”

Ian nudges his head towards Mickey’s apartment. “You good?”

“Yeah I’m good.”

They walk towards the door. “Thanks”

“What are boyfriends for?” Ian says smiling back at Mickey.

Ian locks his finger onto Mickey’s a moment later. It’s a small gesture but comforting nonetheless.

They walk in and find the apartment empty. Mickey visibly relaxes. He stumbles on the box he had hurriedly put Jackson’s stuff in that day forever ago trying to find the light. Realization that Jackson never came back to get it suddenly puts Mickey at ease. _He had stayed at Ian’s this whole time for nothing_ Mickey thinks to himself. _Well not for nothing_.

He’s about to laugh out loud when he hears the door handle jiggle and keys enter the lock.


End file.
